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  • Vivek

    I gain a number of mixed emontois from these messages, a sense of sadness and longing to help and a sense of powerlessness. I do realise, however, that the feeling of powerlessness is normal when you truly love someone an acceptance that you can get hurt quite easily. The ST shuts that down in the person on the reciving end, the acceptance is different in that you know you will get nothing back, you being hurt or emotional is almost seen as a weaknesses a “chink” in your armour to be used or exploited and certainly used. They are in control of their emontois, they say nothing to reinforce it. This just breeds an enormous amount of resentment which only leads one way. What I will say is don’t go down the route of being like them, never shut off your basic emontois, it’s what defines you as a person, if you do your are not being true to yourself or any other person that may come into your life. Wendy, I can totally associate with the situation your in, the affair and any subsequent actions will no doubt be your fault or it will be manufactured to be exactly that. I firmly beleive that accepting the ST gives them the “green light” to carry on. Yes overtly accept it, internaly never ever accept it as all your worth. Be practical (beleive it helps) establish and develop a new life in your head free from the turmoil of the ST, so if we have the courage to take action and leave, then you are prepared both emotionally and practically. Theses actions, I think will help you not only deal with the ST but will show in your demeanour and will perhaps make them think, if it doesnt then you have lost nothing and gained a degree of emotional stability allowing you to move on as and when you need to. Don’t ever become the thing that causes or has caused you pain. To show emontois, regardless of what they are and to show them is the “normal” thing to do, the ST is not. I know I am at a point where emotionally, psychologically and physically I am able to deal with the ST, as I am prepared and she knows it. I will never allow myslef to be controlled by silence anymore. Don’t get me wrong I still hate it and am subjected to it. But the time will come, where we have the strength either through our own actions or by their’s, because unless they accept the ST as destructive and unproductive the end of the relationship will come. Don’t ever emotionaly accept or be controlled by the “just leave it” or you will get the ST treatment, even if you have to pick yourself up, dust yourself down several times and move on and don’t allow it to turn you into the very thing you have longing to escape from. For every day of the ST is a day lost in your life, a day wasted, a day controled. Be prepared, find the strength, accept that the relationship is over, because under the ST it effectively is, beleive it will show in you and if the relationship ends you are ready and emotionaly still stable, it hasn’t destroyed your faith in love or life

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