Our first crushes were cartoons
As creepy as it may be, many of us experienced the SUPER early phases of sexual awakening during our cartoon-watching years. This less-than-optimal timing lead to an inevitable series of awkward crushes on animated characters. Here, in no particular order, are the top names shouted out by my coworkers within earshot when asked which illustrated babes made their pubescent selves feel…things. I swear I didn’t pick any of the animal ones.
F you Disney for making us think men would be prince-like in real life.
Quick and quick-witted, Inspector Gadget’s niece was also cute as a button.
He may be blue but my Skeeter Valentine-loving coworker was attracted to his basketball spinning skills and cool outfit.
From her cute crop top (so ahead of the trend) to the pet tiger, I’ll admit it, Jasmine had it going on.
OK, I had mixed feelings about Beast when he was well, a beast, but when he became this muscle-y hottie, everything changed.
Described by one of my male coworkers as a “pin-up girl for kids,” Miss Boop is extremely suggestive and super flirty for a cartoon.
Named by almost every 90’s girl in the office as early crush fodder numero uno, Eric was sultry, sensitive and musical (remember his Snorflat skills?). Oh how I hated when he fell for Ursula in disguise!
This girl lived to please her master, Peter, and that was hot. Her crazy girl jealousy was kinda hot too.
A square jaw and long-ish hair made this Russian a real sex pot. I remember a friend at a sleepover talking about how much she liked him. Weird.
This scantily clad hottie was practically oozing sex. It’s no wonder she was the number one agreed upon cartoon crush by men in my office.
Phillip was a dark, handsome, valiant prince who literally fought demons and thorny bushes to save his princess. Again, what’s up with the unrealistic expectations Disney?!
According to one video game and Anime-obsessed coworker, Sailor Moon was magical, quirky and cute. Tee hee.
He was funny, cool, and could steer a magic carpet like none other. Plus, that tiny vest perfectly showed off a nice bod underneath…sans nipples.
OK, we’re at the first animal and I feel weird. Robin Hood may have been a fox in the Disney movie, but he was very human-like, and Maid Marion was crazy about him, so he must have done something right.
Li Shang was super sexy in that I-can-kick-your-ass, hot warrior way.
To directly quote the colleague who picked this Disney princess, Pocahontas had “sexy olive skin and a tight butt.” I can see it.
Even as I write this I don’t get it. One of my female co-workers was into Max (disclaimer: she likes nerdy guys). Also, what kind of animal is this? A dog?
Filed under yet another I do not quite understand, the male coworker who favors Lois said, “I feel like she’d be good in bed.” Apparently the Internet agrees, as I found tons of Lois porn all over it. Really?
What’s not to love about an original settler with dreamy eyes and a sultry smile?
Here’s lookin’ at you…kid.