Everyone loves sex, right? If you’re not currently having it, you are probably actively trying to get it. As long as it’s a mutual act between two (or more) people, sex is a thing we all hold dear to our hearts. And privates.
With that being said, sex can always be very weird. Think about it, it can actually be really fucking awkward. We get totally naked with someone, roll around in compromising positions and grunt repeatedly until someone gets off. Then, it’s over.
We’re not saying sex always sucks. It can be fucking amazing…but, what about the times it’s not?
This Ask Reddit thread is overflowing with stories from people who have definitely had worse sexual experiences than you and they’re downright hilarious. Brace yourselves because things are about to get embarrassing.
1. JoeTenFingers got an unexpected facial.
Girl was on top of me, she got off me right as I was about to cum, the cum shoots out and lands right between my eyes. Gave myself a facial.
2. Thecardinal74 had an uncontrollable gas attack.
First time sleeping with a girl I had pursued for ages. Farted at point of climax. I had no ability to stop. Each pump of jizz released a fart of differing notes.
3. FallenAzrael accidentally got the whole family involved.
My baby sister walked in on my girlfriend and I having sex. My mom had send her to wake us up for breakfast. This caught my girlfriend off guard, and she kinda screamed, bringing my mom to the room. After she realized what my sister walked in on, she tried to take her out of the room. But my sister got curious…and my mom had me explain to her the birds and the bees. When I mentioned the, it’s something that two people in love do, my sister asked, “Since I love you, and you love me, can we do that too?!”…..
4. OnionSquire was the opposite of smooth.
When I was younger I was fingering a girl and thought to myself “You know which finger is more like a penis? The thumb!” So I gave her a thumbs up. It was not well received.
5. Eclectophile literally played with fire.
Lined the room with candles for ambience. Set my own hair on fire during the act.
6. Flying_chipmunk22 should have probably not had hot pepper flakes right before sex.
This guy wanted to come over late one night and I said he only could if he brought pizza. He follows through and brings pizza with hot pepper flakes on it which are my favorite.
Anyway, after eating a slice each we are making out on the couch and decide to move toward the bedroom. His hands are all over me when all of a sudden my vagina is on fire–my first thought was that I spontaneously contracted an std.
After running to the bathroom and running cold water all over my lady parts I realized he never washed his hands after eating eating the pizza WITH HOT PEPPER FLAKES. I yelled at him about it, but we had a good laugh after.
7. bumbaclotBOMBER did not mind his members.
Banging in the backseat of a car, she was sitting on top facing me. went to give her a big ole ass smack and missed. landed my palm right on my nut sack harder than ive ever hit myself in the nuts before. took a minute to cry and then continued banging.
8. tw1zt3r was just plain clumsy.
First time having shower sex with my GF in college and I got so into it that when I finished I blacked out and hit my head on the toilet. Had to stay home from classes that day.
9. rancha9 forgot to take the dogs into consideration.
I was getting it on with this girl on her living room floor. Apparently swinging balls look like something fun to play with if you’re a puppy…
10. 39thVersion was thinking a little too literally.
My buddy was with a girl that was more experienced than him. mid coitus she got a little dry and told him to spit on her. he, not knowing what she meant but trying to oblige her, hocked a fat loogie and spit it on her chest..
11. DestinyPierce knows how to smooth talk the ladies.
Cue my first boyfriend fingering me and then saying, “Wow… you sound like mac and cheese.”
12. SorryMyDickBroke (somewhat aptly named) shed blood for the thrill of going down on a girl.
I dated a girl all through high school. Our junior year together, on her birthday, she said she wanted to try oral (as in receiving). Being the horny teen I was, I was totally into it. That night it started out as her on her back, but she enjoyed it so much it progressively led to face sitting. After about 5 minutes of her on top of my face i noticed her vagina started tasting weird and really really wet. I asked if everything was ok and as she looked down she screamed. At first I thought she had her period on my face, then realized she rode my face so aggressively that my nose was gushing blood. 10/10 would suffocate in cooch again.
13. Re_Claire got her sinuses cleared out.
Giving my boyfriend at the time a blow job, I meant to swallow but somehow didn’t manage to swallow properly and instead his jizz shot out of my nose.
14. Bumbaclotbomber swung and missed.
Banging in the backseat of a car, she was sitting on top facing me. went to give her a big ole ass smack and missed. landed my palm right on my nut sack harder than I’ve ever hit myself in the nuts before. Took a minute to cry and then continued banging.
15. Foozerluck realized you should probably wait until after your cold is over to start fucking again.
So I used to use a Neti-Pot – one of those things where you basically pour water in one nostril and it comes out the other to help wash your sinuses out. Anyway so I did that and I guess not all the water came out. We started having sexy time with me on top, and all of a sudden a gush of water came out my nose all over her face. It was A LOT of water, didn’t realize how much could stay in there. She was pretty grossed out, but we finished and laughed about it.