If you regularly “ghost” potential dates, please understand that I hold you in the lowest possible chamber of contempt — not simply because it’s a shitty thing to do to another person, but because it’s also so last year. (Haven’t you heard that manners are kind of hip again?)
Fortunately, those of us who have been stood up or ghosted know that being snubbed by a date is far from being a terrible punishment. If anything, it can actually end up being a blessing in disguise.
Twitter user Mimi Black found herself all dressed up and unceremoniously stood up on a recent trek to Glasgow. Apparently, the 21-year-old had ventured to the city in order to meet a boy who subsequently ghosted her, without so much as an explanation or a phone call.
Instead of hunting him down and stringing him up by his ankles (as I would have done, given some rope and upper-body strength), Black decided to make some sweet-ass lemonade from those jilted lemons, and proceeded to live-tweet her very own date with herself in Glasgow.
She started by wooing herself with a lingerie shopping trip at Ann Summers. Because unlike some clueless boy, she actually knew how to buy gifts for herself.
The lingerie expedition was followed with the best sort of purchase — the alcoholic kind.
And, since you simply can’t let a cocktail sit on an empty stomach (it is the actual law), Mimi took her sweet self out to get some McDonald’s. She also bought herself a sundae, since, y’know, she’s worth it.
The Solo Date Day ended with a thirst-trap lingerie photoshoot, so her flakey guy could get an eyeful of what he rejected (and like, might as well get your money’s worth by cashing in that lingerie for some social media currency). “People will fuck you over. It’s up to you what you do about it. Night lads,” Mimi wrote in her last tweet of the day.
Apparently the mysterious no-show in question apologized, though he wasn’t too keen on pursuing any other dates. Mimi didn’t seem terribly concerned about the loss of a subpar male specimen, though.
And why should she be? Obviously she can show herself a better time than most fellas ever could. How many guys have the financial flexibility to buy you drinks, dinner, dessert AND lingerie?
Cheers to you for achieving the ultimate female fantasy, Mimi: you’ve officially become your own Sugar Daddy.