Eleven-time Olympic medalist Ryan Lochte is a lot of things. He’s a competitive swimmer. He’s the owner of a fantastic set of dimples and like 37 abs. He’s also a complete idiot.
I say that with as much as love as humanly possible, but the fact remains: Ryan Lochte is an idiot. And kind of a douchebag, too. His favorite pair of shoes are neon green and have his name on them in huge font. His style aesthetic is Dwayne Wade meets Pauly D from the Jersey Shore, except one billion times worse because he is neither African-American nor from New Jersey. His catchphrase is “jeah!”, like Lil Jon’s catchphrase of a decade ago. He had his own reality TV show for a while, but was too dumb for that, too.
That being said, can you get through this list of Ryan Lochte tweets and still want to fuck him? Probably not. But also maybe. He’s pretty hot.
This is the sick picture, BTW:
2. How does this graphic t-shirt dress/panama hat combo make you feel?
3. Why the abbreviations? He could’ve fit the entire quote within Twitter’s 140-character confines (I checked).
4. Most of the time not, though.
5. Of course he uses one of these. Of course he does.
7. Like, the energy drink?
8. Who is this directed at?
9. This ‘beautiful view’ tweet that really only serves to show off his Bentley convertible. And panama hat. Again.
10. This tweet…
11. Followed immediately by these befuddling two:
Let what breathe? The sparkling chardonnay? His Twitter?
12. Fucking this:
13. The sneakers combined with the fact that his favorite candy is Pez is making my vagina shrivel up.
14. Literally nobody has ever said this, and also what does it mean what does it mean?
16. Did he mean it’s never too late to change? I hate him.
17. Why did he hashtag pizza in this?
18. Can you really see yourself fucking a guy who used the hashtag #mehungry?
19. Or one who shares shit like this?
20. I hate everything about this.
21. His favorite Starburst is yellow. HIS FAVORITE STARBURST IS YELLOW. What’s the opposite of pussy magnet? Yellow Starbursts.