Like every hot-blooded millennial, you obviously love sex, and you undoubtedly love the “it” drink of the moment, La Croix. But, you probably never thought your love for the two could be ~intertwined~. Sure, it’s not scientific fact that your preferred type of sparkling water can predict your sexual destiny, but anything you dig outside the bedroom tells you at least a little bit about who you are when you bang.
Maybe you’re sweet and sensual, like strawberry. Maybe you’re mysterious and romantic, like blackberry. Sex seems pretty basic on paper, but the truth is every sexual experience is as unique as the people having it. Here’s what your favorite La Croix flavor reveals about your approach to doing the deed:
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For a playful person like you, it’s all about the foreplay. You love flirting and teasing, coming on strong, and then backing off and playing coy. More than once, you’ve actually teased your partner so long that you fell asleep before the main event, leaving them blindfolded, confused, and covered in chocolate syrup you promised to lick off. Foreplay really takes it out of you. You might want to consider switching from La Croix to Red Bull.
You’re old-fashioned but that doesn’t mean you’re stuck in the missionary position. Once you’re in a committed relationship, you love a sexy little twist, whether it’s showing up to bed with a new toy, or getting it on some place totally unexpected. Not everyone is in to your unique brand of spontaneity—or the glittery unicorn horn dildo you keep in your purse “just in case”—but the ones who are find you utterly irresistible.
You’re bold, assertive, and know exactly what you want. If someone turns you on, you go for it, and you don’t give a flying fuck what anyone thinks about your sexual conquests. Some people might be intimidated by your uninhibited confidence in the bedroom, but most are simply in awe—and that makes complete sense, since you just commanded them to worship you like the sex goddess you are.
You like to think you’re a sexual dynamo but, when kiss comes to rub, you’re actually pretty vanilla. Don’t feel bad—everyone loves a classic. You make your lovers feel safe and comfortable, and that’s actually way more important than being able to perform fellatio while hanging upside down from a sex trapeze. Rock on with your sensitive self.
You’re very dedicated to your green lifestyle, and that includes in the sack. You use only the finest organic, locally-sourced vegetable lube, and your condoms are easily compostable. It’s kind of awkward sometimes when you bring a new partner home from the drum circle and they have to wait for you to finish praying to the Moon Goddess before you can get your freak on, but that’s just who you are, and anyone who wants to be with you has to respect your aura.
The name says it all: You’re on fire in the bedroom. You love every inch of your skin, and you’re not afraid to use your body (and theirs) in totally new and mindblowing ways. You’re the Beyoncé of sex, and the bedroom is your stage. Anyone who goes home with you better be prepared to rock harder than the 2016 Super Bowl Halftime Show.
You enjoy sex in unconventional places. Whether it’s sneaking onto a private beach at 2 a.m. or banging in the coat closet at your BFF’s Halloween party, you’re not truly turned on until you’re doing something forbidden. You can’t help it, you just love things that shouldn’t go together—like peach and pear, Bieber and Selena Gomez, sex and Smart cars. Be careful out there, thrillseeker.
You’re not wild in bed, but that doesn’t mean you’re boring by any means. You know exactly what you’re into, and you don’t need props, games, or crazy positions to make sex satisfying. Your straight-forward approach to pleasing your partners makes you a sexual Jedi, and your lovers know the force is definitely with you.
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