If you’ve ever perused eBay in a fit of severe boredom, then you’re well-aware that many of the items for sale on the online marketplace have a story — and a select few have an entire fucking saga.
When UK blogger Samantha discovered that her philandering husband was living with another woman, she did what any reasonable woman would do: she got rid of all the evidence that showed she was ever married to the creep.
Specifically, she posted her wedding dress for sale on eBay, complete with scathing remarks about former groom and his mistress. Because when a dude gives you lemons, you’ve just gotta make yourself a pitcher of that (Beyoncé-style) lemonade.
The eBay excerpt for the dress (“Great condition but needs dry cleaning before wearing to get rid of the stench of betrayal”) is a work of pure poetry unto itself, but the real gems are found in Samantha’s description of the item.
“I’m selling this designer Art Deco wedding dress in ivory,” Samantha writes in the eBay description. “Mainly selling as I need to pay for my divorce which my ex-husband has left me to foot the bill for!”
But wait! There’s more! As Samantha continues describing the wedding dress, she manages to throw some serious shade at her ex in the process.
“As it reaches the floor, it is a little dirty around this area and so will need a dry clean before it’s worn for your special day. I didn’t have time to get it dry-cleaned myself before my cheating scumbag of a husband decided to call an end to our marriage.”
And if you’re on the fence about purchasing a wedding dress which has been tainted through no fault of its own, the former bride is even willing to sweeten the deal for you.
“I’ll also throw in my veil (yes, that’s right – I went all out princess on the day!). Sorry that there are only two pictures but when I found out my husband was living with another woman, I pretty much burned/permanently deleted everything with his disgusting face on it!”
The dress is selling for a cool £500 — quite a bargain, considering the dress originally retailed for £2,000, and considering the fact that it’s chock full of history!
“If you want a dress that is full of bad memories and shattered hopes and dreams then this is the one for you!,” Samantha writes. “Hope this dress brings you a lot more happiness than it brought me in the end and if not…well you can always sell it on [eBay]! If you’ve got any questions – either about the dress or the skank that my husband ran off with – then please feel free to contact me!”
I sincerely hope that someone with deep pockets makes a preposterously high bid on this dress and Samantha is able to go on a trip to Cancun or something. Homegirl has earned it. And, in the meantime, her ex will probably be tending to his savage burns — because that eBay post was fire.
Related-ish: 17 Wedding Stories That’ll Make You Say “That Bitch”