When it comes to dating, even if you’re the most logical person in the world you will be able to justify someone’s bad behavior. If he doesn’t text you back for a week, it’s definitely not because he lost his phone; and it isn’t that he just really wanted to focus on “spending time with his little brother.”
The reality is, if a man wants to be with you, he will be. Yes, it really is as simple as that.
However, having said that, there are always men who have gotten so good at the game that it can feel impossible to tell whether they’ve carefully cultivating a mysterious persona or whether they just plain suck. Having experienced many of these men before, I am here to tell you that 9 out of 10 times your excuses for him are for naught.
1. He doesn’t text back for days.
Any person with a cell phone knows that the excuse that someone was “too busy” or “had their phone away” for any longer than 12 hours is either a sociopath or a liar. Whenever you invent an excuse in your mind for someone you’re supposed to be building a relationship with, keep in mind how often a normal person checks their phone. He isn’t being mysterious, girl! He’s just being a fuckboy.
2. He never tells you where he’s going.
If he always lets you know he is “going out with the boys” but refuses to tell you where it could mean two things: you’re a stage-five clinger who has showed up randomly at bars before to check in on someone you’ve been dating. Or, that he doesn’t want to let you know where he is going because he is up to no good and wants free range to do whatever he pleases. It is so simple to just let someone know where you’ll be, and if he isn’t giving you even that, it is a red flag he is a fuckboy.
3. He says he “doesn’t do” relationships.
One of the oldest excuses in the fuckboy handbook, whenever a man says he “doesn’t do relationships” just keep in mind he probably definitely does do relationships…just not with you. And remember that your worth is never contingent on a man. Even if he is mysterious, even if he is a fuck-boy, you are more than someone else’s opinion of you– and sometimes you deserve more than mystery.
4. He only calls you by some pet name he has for you.
It isn’t because he wants to build a cute inside joke with you! Usually it means that he just doesn’t want to mix up your name with the other people he’s seeing.
5. He’s always busy with work.
I always respect a man who is dedicated to his job. It takes a great amount of focus and determination to be a successful employee these days. Having said that, if he can’t hang out at all during the week because of “work,” he is probably doing plenty outside of the office, you’re just not being invited to it.
6. …But you’re actually not even sure what his job is.
If he tells you he’s “always busy” with work, but you actually have only a very vague idea of what he does, it is a sign that he either works at Aeropostale or that he doesn’t feel comfortable telling you what he does for work. Either way, probably not a great sign that you don’t know one of the biggest identifiers we have in society.
7. You always have to hang at your place.
If he constantly is telling you that you should hang out at your place because it is more convenient, take it as a sign that he is a fuckboy who either already lives with a romantic prospect or
8. He gets weird when you’re around his phone.
If a guy you’re seeing gets antsy when his phone is out in public (like, not in his pocket) then it’s a clear sign he’s afraid of what may pop up on it while you’re around. It doesn’t mean he’s waiting for an important call from work, but probably waiting for his other person in his life to text him.
9. You’ve never met any of his friends.
If a guy has never made the effort to introduce you to his friends he either is embarrassed by his friends or embarrassed by you, either way, why would you waste your time?
10. He only wants to see you late at night or on spur of the moment occasions.
If he can only meet after sun down, or under strange circumstances it is a clear sign he has something to hide. If he suddenly texts you asking you to hang out late at night, or if he is unable to keep plans, it’s a very obvious sign that he has something to hide. Planning ahead may not be mysterious, but it sure is reliable.