Coworker: *Hands me a pez dispenser*
*Remembers I'm a millennial*
"Oh, you load it like a magazine, Lesley"
— Lesley Carhart (@hacks4pancakes) August 17, 2016
Millennials Need To Stop Memeing: a Wealthy Armchair Philosopher's Thoughts
— Thinkpiece Bot (@thinkpiecebot) August 12, 2016
Headlines I’m looking forward to:
ARE MILLENNIALS TO BLAME FOR WWII?
HOW MILLENNIALS SCREWED OVER THE BABY BOOMERS
MILLENNIALS: HUMAN POISON
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 26, 2016
Hey millennials: the only "app" I needed to meet girls in the 1980s was an 'appetizer' at my local restaurant, plus a shit-ton of cocaine
— Musky Lozenge™ (@LostCatDog) October 6, 2015
I wish older generations cared about the environment as much as they like writing headlines about millennials.
— YA BOY BERNIE (@yaboyberniesand) August 10, 2016
yeah im a millennial my son is named yolo and my daughter is named swag fuk u
— mr daddyman (@dimpledbutt666) August 10, 2016
sorry 4 rant, I heard a guy say "millennials all do fake social media jobs"& was like buddy ur postgrad data entry gig is done by robots now
— Albro (@bromanconsul) March 23, 2016
This man made fun of me for being a millennial; I was so mad I just about facebook messaged my sketch troupe
— Drew Janda (@drewjanda) April 29, 2016
Millennials are so easily offended. Like I went up to one and yelled NOBODY WILL EVER LOVE YOU and he cried? Millennials are aged 4-10 right
— Siobhan Thompson (@vornietom) January 17, 2016
As a millennial, most people assume I am desperate for praise, but the secret is: I would be totally fine with money.
— braden graeber (@hipstermermaid) August 10, 2016
I'm so sick of these lazy, entitled millennials stealing the delicious pies I left cooling on the windowsill
— Pixelated Boat (@pixelatedboat) March 19, 2016
Right now, in a marketing department somewhere, a very earnest person is asking "Do millennials KNOW about bikes?"
— Daniel Hiddleswift (@kibblesmith) August 9, 2016
"millennials are idiots" – the generation that made a millionaire out of the creator of the pet rock
— andy levy (@andylevy) August 13, 2015
"Don't Stop Believin'" is "The Itsby Bitsy Spider" for millennials.
— Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) August 15, 2016
Headline: Millennials Are Literally Fighting Each Other For Food In A Winner-Takes-All Gladiatorial Deathdome
Photo: Someone taking a selfie
— Chris Person (@Papapishu) April 26, 2016
i think its nice they give all the millennial athletes gold medals
— David Grossman (@davidgross_man) August 8, 2016
My new piece is called Millennial's Lament and it's a participation trophy made entirely out of wheat gluten
— ''Steve'' (@extranapkins) August 9, 2016
Millennial sitcom: What if there was like an Uber but for Tinder snap filters! Ha ha! Bae!
Teens in 2030: hey who wants to watch Friends
— Liam Dryden (@LiamDrydenEtc) August 8, 2016
me: say a big number.
millenial: DUHHhhh… 10. can i have a participation trophy now duhh
Wise 37 year old [smiling serenely]: One million.
— g0m (@g0m) September 14, 2015
BOOMER: I'm *never* going to retire!
MILLENNIAL: I'm never going to retire
— Mara Wilson (@MaraWilson) February 16, 2016
Millennial dreams: to have enough money for a 1 bedroom apartment, bills, and groceries.
— Laura Kay Sherman (@LauraKaySherms) August 8, 2016
So annoying how self-absorbed millennials take selfies & topple dictatorial governments
— dr. dalia ☥ (@DALIAMALEK) August 14, 2016
The next time somebody complains about millennials, maybe remind them which generation linoleumed over all those beautiful hardwood floors.
— Julieanne Smolinski (@BoobsRadley) September 22, 2013
To all the millennials who feel stressed out sometimes, try not to worry. Just think about the future, when it will all be way worse.
— ♡ Good Account ♡ (@SortaBad) April 23, 2016
"I wish I were a real bae."
-Millennial Pinocchio, probably
— CalviNWA (@calsquared) August 7, 2016
A millennial is any young person you don't like.
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) April 30, 2016
I'm a millennial. I don't have "hobbies."
— Spence (@SpencerDenman) August 7, 2016
Millennials: Weak hands & arms
Loaded with Debt
97% unemployment rate
Baby Boomers: Nice Acuras
Killed Hitler at Woodstock
Eat gold coins
— Bob Weir Tickets Guy (@mattytalks) August 16, 2016
Millennial: wow cool Ramones t-shirt. Did you get it from a website
Me: (my face is red and steam is shooting out my ears): THE MALL!!!!
— Nick Ciarelli (@nickciarelli) May 1, 2016
If I was a professional wrestler my stage name would be The Millennial and my finishing move would be posting a 7-minute John Oliver video.
— Vincent Casimir (@vncnt_csmr) April 27, 2016