Which Horror Film You Should Watch, Based On Your Favorite Adult Beverage

The concept of Netflix and Chill is based heavily on the idea that one has chosen a movie and is actually ready to chill – because, as we all know, the process of picking something is like a battle to the death against dumb category names, bizarre sub-categories and good movies betrayed by covers that look like they were made on Microsoft Paint.

See also: 9 August Netflix Additions That Don’t Totally Suck

Luckily, there is a highly scientific method in place that will choose your horror movie for you — and that is, my friend, your drink. Because dear god you will need a shot of hard Polish vodka after watching someone’s mouth get sewn onto someone’s literal asshole. Cult Horror! Paranormal Horror! Vampire horror! It’s all here, so fear not (see what I did there?). Just find your favorite adult bev below.


Red Wine = The Exorcist

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The Exorcist

No one wants to be possessed by the devil (please don’t tell my 14-year-old self I said that). Having the devil inside you is all about painful aerobics, gak-green barf and sacrilegious masturbation – all things that, in theory, are probably appealing if you’re a total masochist. But for the rest of us? Let’s just watch it on TV with a glass of the Blood of Christ, otherwise known as good old red wine.

Whiskey = The Shining

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When Jack (a psychopath writer and alcoholic, which isn’t a strange combo at all, trust me) orders a drink from the ghostly bar in The Shining, he orders none other than a nice glass of Jack Daniel’s Tennessee whiskey. Whether this was all in Jack’s mind or if that ghost really did pour it up doesn’t really matter. What matters is that Jack went crazy and probably shouldn’t be drinking. Or maybe he should? Either way, you’re about to watch a movie featuring evil twins and blood-soaked walls, so you should probably have some too.

Vodka = Rosemary’s Baby

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Let’s all pretend it’s 1968, we’re pregnant with the antichrist, and we’re drinking a vodka blush on our balcony overlooking Central Park. This is one drink Mia Farrow famously downed in the movie — and it’s basically just vodka, grenadine, ice and some club soda. If you’re not into grenadine, you could just have a shot of vodka, which is not nearly as fun or as cinematic as the Blush, but you do you. And for those of you who don’t prefer vodka, her character does drink some sort of witchy tincture made with tannis root, which also sounds kind of cool (but it won’t get you drunk).

Absinthe = From Hell

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Absinthe was big in the 19th century, causing drinkers to have psychoactive experiences, which you may remember from “From Hell,” which features the (ugh) glorification of violence against women and Johnny Depp sitting in a bathtub feeling all the absinthe feels while being painfully attractive. Nowadays, you probably can’t get your hands on the real thing, but you can get the ‘fake’ stuff, which is still just as fun and aesthetically pleasing.

Long Island Iced Tea = Death Proof 

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This is a hardcore girl power movie (as much as anything Tarantino touches can be) and it deserves a hardcore drink. In one scene, someone orders “another big-ass Long Island Iced Tea,” so make of that what you will but don’t drink too many, OK? To concoct a long island iced tea, you basically need to be enrolled in a college degree program or have every single liquor available on the market in your pantry. Have fun! And don’t get your leg ripped off in a car accident.

Apple Martini Snow White: A Tale of Terror

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Forget the other versions of “Snow White”. Susan Sarandon and Sam Neill get together in this actually super dark “Snow White” remake, and it’s surprisingly worth watching – even as a horror flick. Naturally, and because I am shamelessly unoriginal, I suggest you stir yourself up an apple martini (since Snow White eats a poison apple and all of that) while watching. All you need is vodka, apple liqueur and lemon juice to taste.

Cranberry Vodka = Dracula

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While you may not think to pair such a lame-o bar drink with a vampire film, you will absolutely want to drink something red while watching this movie because everyone (or at least every good Goth) wants to pretend they’re drinking blood. Ingredients? Cranberry juice and vodka. If you mean serious fucking business, there is also a brand of red vodka called Vampyre that I know all too well. Because goth.

Beer or Ale = Shaun of the Dead

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Since beer will get you a lot less drunk during drinking games (and I assume that’s what you’re doing while watching a horror film, of course), you get something for a lighter mood. This genius horror spoof is all about little English pubs and killer zombies. Cheers, mate!

Mulled Wine = Let The Right One In

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This wintry film deserves a wintry beverage, like mulled wine (or glugg or glint wein, depending on where you’re at). Enjoy watching bodies being drained of their life force and tiny child vampires in the desolate dead of winter while drinking this spiced concoction actually meant for happy holiday family sing-alongs. Not here, you’ll get tipsy while debating the fuzzy ethics of child immortality and blood-letting.

Tequila = Santa Sangre

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This Jodorowsky masterpiece — top 5 right here so watch it! — deserves a fitting alcohol. Tequila is the answer (but feel free to drink mezcal if you’re even cooler). Not only is tequila made in Mexico (where this film takes place), it does the best job of taking the edge off. Because this film will give you an edge you won’t ever be able to shake off. Why? Two reasons: Clowns. And armless mannequins.

See also: 11 Movies Leaving Netflix In August So It Looks Like Your Weekend Is Full

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