Have you ever left your lover’s house in a lovestruck (or confused) daze after what would later end up being a one night stand? Have you ever went home and waited…and waited…and waited only to end up not hearing from them? You are not alone.
Let’s face it. Humans aren’t nearly as complicated as we give them credit for. As a general rule, guys will call if they want to be with you. They won’t call if they don’t. Very few fall into the fearful-of-love, tortured artist category we like to pretend they fall into. If it looks like a duck and it quacks like a duck, it’s probably — well, you know how that ends.
Still, what are dudes thinking after sex? When we’re home gossiping about dick size and how surprisingly clean his bathroom was, they’re at home doing the same. Trust.
Drake, 26 — “We had a rating system.”
“I definitely tell my friends all about it. Was she just pretty good? Was she lazy in bed? Was she crazy amazing? Did she have nice tits, a nice ass, all of that. We’re not going to be gentlemen with our friends, sorry. We used to have a rating system when we were younger but that was pretty dumb. Though if I had to say, my last was like a 6. She refused to do any other position besides her on top, which was weird.”
Benji, 34 — “I couldn’t stop thinking about how feminine she was.”
I had sex with one of my female friends. It never happened again after that. I guess the only thought I thought about for a while after that was how she smelled and felt. I couldn’t stop thinking about how feminine she was, despite her being not that stereotypically feminine in ‘real life,’ as my friend. It definitely threw me off. I felt like I instantly saw her differently, and cared more about her, more deeply. It was very cave man. But she didn’t want to do it with me again. So, you know.
Dan, 25 — “Don’t brag about your sex life.”
I don’t talk to most people about my sex life. If you’re talking about it all the time, there’s something wrong with you. My last hookup was pretty cool — we met at a bar, had sex at her place and then went our separate ways. I felt like she was cool with that, I was cool with that and it was just fun. I did find myself wishing I’d organized talking to her again, since now, like a month later, I feel like it’d be awkward to text. Every once in a while I’ll have sex with someone and genuinely want to see them again, but honestly it doesn’t happen too often. I like sex. I don’t need love. I hope that I make sure they know that when we get into it.
Brent, 30 — “She smelled pretty bad.”
This is kind of straight-up, OK? But this girl smelled pretty badly. Like not sure what was happening with that…but I felt like stopping the entire time. I didn’t. Sex is sex, and I don’t have tons of it. And then afterward I didn’t call her again. Otherwise I most definitely would have called her. Can’t believe I just told you that.
Dave, 32 — “I like to make my friends jealous with my stories.”
I usually talk about sex to my friends. They’re all dating someone so I like to make them jealous. Just statistically, I have a lot of sex with crazy party girls, so they’re usually pretty freaky in bed. I like to think about the last one I had sex with…for a while…when I’m alone, if you know what I mean. The reality of good sex turns me on. I especially like when girls are kinda crazy.
Chris, 28 — “I feel bad for girls who fuck me.”
I always feel super weird about having sex with a girl — like it’s an honor she bestowed on me, which is gross, because I’d never fuck me, haha. So I end up calling her and being really nice to her and stuff. It usually doesn’t end up in my favor.
Yu, 30 — “I lie.”
Honestly, I lie to my friends. I tell them we did something we didn’t do, like anal. I don’t know why. I just feel like I need a story. I told my friends that she thought I had the biggest dick she had sex with, but she didn’t say that. I hate that I do this!
Kevin, 35 — “If she’s a boring lay, my friends will hear about it.”
I usually complain to my friends if the girl is a bad lay. If she’s good, it might get a shout out at some point, but it’s lame to say you great sex. It sounds so dumb. But with boring sex I unfortunately do bring it up to my friends because it’s honestly the weirdest thing in the world. Just put in like 6% effort. Being pretty isn’t enough. It’s a two-way game here.
De, 38 — “I feel shame.”
I feel shameful every time. I’m a pretty sex-positive guy with respect for women. But every time I have sex with a stranger, I wonder what’s wrong with me and hope the woman doesn’t feel the same.
Alexander, 29 — “We had sex on her period…”
I had sex with a girl on her period because I was so horny. My friends said it was sort of intimate or gross or whatever to do that with a stranger but I don’t care. I’m just glad I get laid. Thank god for that. I really have nothing bad to say about anyone who sleeps with me.
Ralf, 33 — “I talk about false advertising with my friends.”
Usually I talk to my friends about [the girl’s] blowjob skills or her boobs. I’m a simple guy. I like good blowjobs and nice tits. Of course I’m gonna talk about it. If I get a girl home who seemed one way but was another, I usually talk about that. Like…if you’re wearing a push-up bra but your boobs look pretty different in person, I’m gonna talk about it with friends. I’m only human. I know girls talk about men, too.
Chris, 27 — “Sitting on my own realizing my mistake…”
The main issue are those sober-light-of-day thoughts…sitting on my own, realizing that the girl wasn’t attractive…that’s a bad moment. Thinking, I shouldn’t have fucked that chick — that’s a dark moment. That, or the one-night-stand that you think wouldn’t be. You had a great time but she doesn’t call back. That sucks. I think about that after sex too: Are they gonna call me? I guess it’s all pretty bad.
Dev, 33 — “I liked someone else.”
Sometimes you feel guilty or bad that it wasn’t the right person to hook up with. I remember meeting a girl that I liked and having a date and then leaving that date and going out to meet friends and being horny. Then I met a girl in a bar and fucked her. I felt bad because the girl I went on a date with was so lovely and although I wasn’t betrothed to her or whatever, I regretted it.
Sai, 32 — “Yes!!!!”
Most of the time I think I had a crazy amazing night and I just come away thinking, YES. Life is good.