Cheese is not a garnish or a glorified condiment. It is a lifestyle. And everyone who is acutely aware of this universal truth knows that the matter of fermented dairy products is serious business.
As such, there are certain feelings and sensations that are singular to the truly dedicated cheeseheads among us — those who know that a “sprinkling” of cheese is never enough for a taco, those who spit in the face of cheese-less pizza, those who refuse to dip their chips in salsa when queso should be readily available.
These are just a few of those feelings.
But, before you read them, be sure to take a moment of silence and take pity on those who are lactose intolerant, those who are vegan, and those who can never truly enjoy or comprehend the majesty of cheese. Such is their burden in life.
1. You only go to a party if there’s guaranteed finger food — i.e., cheese.
2. You never pass up the opportunity to make a good(ish) cheese pun.
3. You are def that random person eating an entire block of cheese in class.
4. You find a way to bring up cheese in every possible conversation.
5. Whenever life gets you down, cheese is your go-to medicine.
6. You have experienced this very real tragedy:
7. If people steal your cheese, you open up a can of whoop-ass.
8. “Add Cheese” is a standard on all your fast food orders …
9. … And when you get home, you usually add more.
10. You sometimes wish parts of your body were made of cheese.
11. You get weirdly jealous of cartoon characters and their animated cheese.
12. You think cheese is more majestic than most sunsets.
13. As long as you have cheese, you don’t really need to leave the house.
14. You have fantasized about being smothered by cheese.
15. You get kind of short of breath if you forget to grab cheese at the grocery store.
16. At your wedding, you will have a cheese fountain instead of a chocolate fountain.
17. HEAVEN HELP the poor delivery guy who brings you the wrong, cheese-less order.
18. You think it’s perfectly acceptable to race down a hill after a wheel of cheese.
19. Basically, unless you get your daily dosage of cheese, you are not pleasant to be around.