A true wine lover is a special breed all its own. We would know, we’re kind of wine obsessed (an monumental understatement if there ever was one.) We even have an entire day every week dedicated solely to the consumption of this wonderful beverage. To be honest, we’d probably go as far to say that it’s our life line. What would we do without it?
A world sans-wine is one we can’t possibly fathom. It’s our answer to almost everything. That being said, for you rather less wine-infatuated persons out there, chances are you’ll probably encounter someone like us if you haven’t already. If you’re lucky, you might even date a vino lover such as ourselves because we can’t exactly date our wine bottle forever can we?
Nevertheless, here are a few things you should know before being in a relationship with a girl who loves her wine perhaps more than you.
1. Any time can be wine time.
It’s never too early for wine nor is it ever too late for wine. In fact, anytime we aren’t drinking it we’re probably thinking about the next time we get to have it. Is this coffee or wine in my mug at 10am? That is none of your damn business sir.
2. Every problem can be fixed with wine (and ice cream.)
Did she have a hard day at work? Was her gal pal being a total bitch? Whatever the reason she’s not in her most chipper mood, offer wine. Wine will help with any dilemma we may encounter on a daily basis. Sure, it won’t dissolve the problem, but it will take the edge off and keep us from hurting you.
3. Her tongue may or may not be permanently purple.
If you’ve got a red wine lover on your hands (like us), then it’s likely she will have a permanently maroon tongue. Don’t judge her, she’s earned it just as someone might earn a medal or trophy.
4. There will always be wine in the house and if there isn’t, BEWARE.
There’s never a shortage of wine at her place. She offers it to guests before coffee or tea. If for some ungodly reason the vino tap has run out, you better be on the way to store because she’s about to snap.
5. She’d rather spend money on a bottle of wine than most other things.
If she has a choice between a new purse and a bottle of wine, the wine will always win. What can she do with a purse besides put things in it? A bottle of wine is such a better investment, obvi.
6. Though, it can start to get expensive.
Going to dinner with a wine lover can start to get expensive. It’s not like she can just eat a meal without a glass of vino to wash it down, I mean come on.
7. She’s built up a champion’s tolerance.
You will be amazed, proud even, of the amount of wine she can down without being drunk. Needless to say, she’s had some practice so don’t underestimate her.
8. But that doesn’t mean she won’t overindulge sometimes.
No one is perfect. Even the best wine veterans overdo it sometimes and get in over their heads. Be prepared to take care of her if she has one glass too many and be gentle, emotions tend to be running high at that point.
9. “Wine head” is a real condition.
No matter how many nights she’s spent drinking the wonderful juice, she can still get “wine head” and it’s miserable. The hangover of all hangovers can make for a rough morning. Just be sure to feed her, get her hydrated, and of course give her more wine.
10. You can’t go wrong with buying her wine-related gifts.
Whether it’s a birthday, anniversary, or any other celebration wine gifts are ALWAYS welcome. You could change it up with some trendy wine accessories or go basic with her favorite bottle.
11. She has her favorite brand, but that doesn’t necessarily mean she’s picky.
Sure, she loves a classy bottle near the top shelf, but that doesn’t mean she’s unwilling to go for a cheaper model. Wine is a priority no matter how broke she may be.
12. Especially not when it comes to what she drinks out of.
It doesn’t matter what it comes in as long as she gets to drink it. That being said, don’t serve her a sippy cup that’s just insulting. Now, give her a plastic cup and a bendy straw and she’ll be good to go.
13. Most of all, she likes to have fun.
Regardless of all her quirks, being with a wine lover is never a dull moment. She’ll always be down for a good time and can be the life of any party.