16 Times Hermione Saved Everybody’s Balls

If you’re a lowly muggle who finds themselves captivated by tales of the wizarding world (same), then there’s a decent chance you’re already a big fan of Hermione Granger, Harry Potter’s bestie and partner-in-magic. And really, what’s not to love? Hermione is smart, capable, she hangs with the boys, and she made those of us born with frizzy hair (*ahem*) feel slightly better about our given genetic betrayal.

However, if you take a step back, Hermione deserves so much more credit than that which is given to her. She wasn’t so much a member of Harry Potter’s trio as she was an insanely competent mom who was constantly keeping her two young children out of trouble.

It’s high-time that we recognize: every Hogwarts student who is alive at the end of the series (a rapidly dwindling number, I’ll admit) probably owes their life to Hermione Granger, some form or fashion.

Here are just a few instances of Hermione saving everybody’s damn butts:

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1. When she was like, “Um, guys, I know WTF is up with the Sorcerer’s Stone.”

Hermione was the first person to figure out who Nicholas Flamel was, and how he was responsible for the creation of the Sorcerer’s Stone — thanks to a simple Chocolate Frog card. Oh, and also, she was eleven at the time. So Hermione was ahead of the curve even as, like, a zygote.

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2.  When she went to painstaking lengths to create Polyjuice Potion for everyone.

Preparing the Polyjuice Potion takes roughly a month, guys. A month. Harry may have gone to the trouble of actually killing the damn basilisk (which is pretty impressive, I guess, to give credit where credit is due), but if it weren’t for Hermione’s potion-making skills, he never would have known where the Chamber of Secrets was even located.

3. When she gave the Devil’s Snare a sick burn.

No, but really. She actually lit it on fire. When the gang was on their way to snatching up the Sorcerer’s Stone, they got caught in the vine-y Devil’s Snare, which would have engulfed them if Hermione hadn’t remembered the rhyme about the plant only surviving  in dark, damp places.

4. When she kept Professor Lockhart’s class in check.

When Lockhart attempted to impress his class by unleashing a group of Cornish Pixies, Hermione was the only one able to restore order, through the use of a freezing charm. Neville Longbottom basically owes his intact ears all to Hermione

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5. When she gave Harry and Ron a clue about the Chamber of Secrets … while she was petrified.

Hermione was frozen by the basilisk’s reflection, yet she still managed to clutch onto a piece of paper with a clue (which Ron and Harry were able to later obtain in the hospital wing). Yeah, no big deal, Hermione basically just solved THE ENTIRE MYSTERY even though she was incapacitated. You’re welcome, DUDES.


Hermione used a time-turner to save Buckbeak’s life, and managed to do it all without negatively altering the course of time (probably). Remember that time when Dumbledore trusted you enough to give you a powerful device which would allow you to meddle with the past, present and future? Yeah, me neither. Because none of us are Hermione Granger, and none of us are competent.


7. When she was a better investigative journalist than Rita Skeeter.

Hermione figured out that Rita Skeeter was an unregistered (read: illegal) animagus, which was allowing her to scoop all of her gossipy stories, and Hermione essentially nipped that shit right in the bud. Thank goodness, because who really wants Rita Skeeter sniffing around their business, especially considering her proclivity for spreading slander about a certain Gryffindor seeker …

8. When she helped Harry defeat the Hungarian Horntail.

Oh, you don’t remember this bit? It was easily glossed over in the movie, but Hermione was actually the person who taught Harry how to use a Summoning Charm in order to retrieve his broomstick for the first task in the Triwizard Tournament. Which, if you’ll recall, totally saved his ass in the face of a fire-breathing dragon.

9. When she rallied on behalf of house elves everywhere.

Okay, so S.P.E.W. was an admittedly annoying part of the books, BUT Hermione’s intentions with the organization were pure, and if everyone hadn’t given her so much shit about it, Kreacher the elf might’ve been more accommodating and Sirius might not have had to venture to the Ministry of Magic to find Harry (just sayin’).

10. When she basically led Dolores Umbridge to her doom.

Y’all, Hermione is tricky AF. Instead of mouthing off to the abominable Umbridge, Hermione just sneakily led her to believe that Dumbledore’s “secret weapon” was in the woods, and instead led her to both Grawp and a herd of angry centaurs. Game recognize game, Hermione.

11. When she figured out how to communicate between Dumbledore’s Army members.

Since Dumbledore’s Army was an illicit student organization, Hermione came up with the idea to create magical coins to alert all of the members of upcoming meeting times. Which meant that none of them could get into trouble for carrying an innocuous coin. BRILLIANCE, HERMIONE.

12. Pretty much every time she pulled out her magical purse.

THIS BAG, THOUGH. I doubt there is a woman (or man) in existence who hasn’t wanted Hermione’s magical expanding bag. Ron and Harry’s necks were both saved multiple times by the knick-knacks in Hermione’s special bag — so thank goodness for Hermione and her accessories.

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13. When she shielded her and Harry and Ron’s campsite.

Sure, Harry was the one destroying horcruxes, but Hermione was the one keeping them safe pretty much at all other times. BUT NO, IT’S OKAY, THAT’S NOT AS EXCITING.

14. When she disfigured Harry — for a good reason, promise.

When the trio was captured, Hermione quickly cast a charm on Harry to swell his face and make him unrecognizable to the headhunters. Not only was it effective, but it’s kind of enjoyable to see Daniel Radcliffe with a puffy face, too.

15. When she basically mastered all of the spells and wizarding material taught at Hogwarts.

During her time at Hogwarts, Hermione managed to fight off Voldemort and his followers, accompany Harry on his harebrained adventures, and also actually get a substantial amount of studying done. Hermione was essentially the only multitasker of the trio — and while all of these examples are huge instances of Hermione saving everyone’s ass, there are plenty of other small, brilliant instances in which Hermione showed everyone up by virtue of her intelligence. She was usually, with little to no doubt, the most capable person in the room.


Guys, WHY did no one read this book?! Oh, you think you apparate on Hogwarts grounds? Nope, sorry, should’ve read Hogwarts: A History! You think you know where everything in Hogwarts is located? Nice try, maybe you should pick up a copy of Hogwarts: A History!

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Thank you, Hermione, for saving everyone’s asses at all times — and reminding us that being bookish is actually awesome.

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