Driving instructor: ok first turn on the car
Me: *kisses ignition lovingly*
Instructor: no not-
Me: *puts entire stick shift in my mouth*
— ️ (@memesuppIy) September 7, 2016
Not me: Why are your hazard lights on?
Me: Hazard lights? Oh, you mean my double turn blinkers? Either way I turn, I'm covered.
— Growly Grego (@GrowlyGrego) November 9, 2015
[turns up radio in the car]
Me: I love this song. I want us to conceive our first child to it
Hitchhiker: dude just drop me off here
— David Hughes (@david8hughes) August 11, 2016
if ur gonna honk at me as u drive by at least pick me up n drive me to school wtf rude
— Alicia Grant (@ALICIAXG) September 7, 2016
Next time everybody falls asleep while I'm driving I'm gonna fall asleep too and see how they like it.
— ruckin da hoeologist (@RUCKlN) September 7, 2016
Appaaaaaaarently, you don't need to make the car engine sounds while you're driving, the car engine will just do that automatically.
— Dan Polish Last Name (@danjan13) February 3, 2016
If I'm about to leave a parking space and you honk at me to hurry up, I will literally stay here till I die.
— ᏟhᎽ (@RoyalChyness) September 2, 2016
Man I wish this car could drive itself
*self-driving car is invented*
You'll never get me in one of those self-driving cars.
— ElleOhHell (@ElleOhHell) January 22, 2015
I hate it when you go to work and forget your lunch at home, so you keep driving, and start a new life in Cheyenne, WY as a buffalo farmer.
— Daniel Carrillo (@DanielRCarrillo) December 3, 2014
[son gets pulled over while im teaching him to drive]
let me do all the talking son
*son rolls down window and hands cop his cellphone*
— brent (@murrman5) March 28, 2015
I hate nobody more than the 16 year olds who drive luxury cars
— ♡ brian essbe ♡ (@SortaBad) June 6, 2016
Me when driving: why won't people wait to walk? Or like walk in the designated walk way?
Me when walking: lol what're they gonna do? Hit me?
— WVU Students (@WVUStudents) September 8, 2016
I look up from my phone as my self driving car plummets into a ravine. "Cancel."
— vineyille (@vineyille) January 14, 2016
when the traffic is so bad that the person driving next to you is SKETCHING A PORTRAIT.
— Ally Hills (@allyhills) September 8, 2016
[street light turns green and the guy driving behind me beeps IMMEDIATELY] My man…thank you,
— pat tobin (@tastefactory) September 8, 2016
Whenever I see someone driving like an idiot I just imagine it's a dog driving. It's understandable that a dog would be a bad driver
— local badboy, (@hippieswordfish) September 4, 2016
I hate when u finally pass a slow driver & look over and see it's your own ghost driving the car
— dream ghoul (@TheDreamGhoul) September 8, 2016
I don't ask for much, I just want the entire family who sings that Weezer song in that commercial to die in a fiery car crash
— Paige (@PeachCoffin) August 2, 2015
Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: Because I was driving with my eyes closed?
— ÜRSÜLÄ(S) (@3sunzzz) September 7, 2016
do u ever go through a light as its turning red and notice the car behind you went too and ur like y'all wild lmao
— anti joke apple (@antijokeapple) August 24, 2016
you see, the cool thing about tweeting and driving is th
— eric curtin 🌊 (@dubstep4dads) June 10, 2013
Sorry I'm late my turn signal got stuck on and I was forced to drive in circles until I ran out of gas
— ♡ brian essbe ♡ (@SortaBad) December 29, 2014
move it, pal
you drive like my grandma
"well at least my horn works and I don't have to yell beep beep out the window"
— brent (@murrman5) July 16, 2014
Texting and driving: it can wait
unless Shonda texts you and tells you that Trina asked out Matt like RIGHT AFTER you guys broke up, that ho
— ElleOhHell (@ElleOhHell) June 9, 2015
To all the people that have bought driving video games: Please pay me to drive me around.
— Ali Spagnola (@alispagnola) September 7, 2016
Me honking at car towing a trailer: jesus hurry the fuck up
Me driving car towing a trailer: calm down can't u see I'm towing a trailer
— David Hughes (@david8hughes) March 22, 2016
Buckle up motherfucker *slams car into DRIVE* we're *slams car into REVERSE* hold on *slams car into DRIVE* really boxed in here *slams car
— vineyille (@vineyille) May 16, 2016
Joke's on you, guy who scratched my car. My car was itchy anyway.
— Jazmasta (@jazmasta) November 6, 2015