As someone who has now lived in three major cities in my adult life, I completely understand the appeal of living with a significant other. Since you spend so much time together as it is, you figure why not save the money and just move in together. I will be the first person to tell you how horrible of an idea this is because while saving money may be appealing, you’ll be giving up a large part of your freedom and the moment you move in together you need to expect everything to be an uphill battle against the death of romance.
I recently moved in with my very serious boyfriend at the time, and while I went into it with high hopes, I can honestly say the biggest factor in our breakup was that it often felt like two babies playing house trying to figure out how to be an adult. If you’re on the fence about whether or not to move in with your significant other, please consider these five reasons to keep individual spaces.
1. The romance slowly dies.
When you move in with someone all sense of mystery is gone. Gone is the freedom you had to pee with the door open and forget about taking a shower without someone barging in to blow their nose or use the toilet. Everything that was once sacred for you; things you did in private, are now public knowledge. Of course romance is going to die when someone sees just how hungover you are after a wild night out, and of course it is going to suffer when you both eat bad sushi and need to use the bathroom…all night. The reality is when you live with someone all your secret single behavior becomes normal things you’re expected to do around them, and some people can’t handle the shift.
2. You both become hermits.
Of course your significant other is going to be the person you spend the most amount of time with, so when you move in together naturally you’re going to spend even more time together. Your main hang is now constantly under your roof, which can mean having separate friend groups, hobbies, and interests become more difficult. If you move in with a significant other, expect your social life to suffer because while going out to drinks with friends is definitely appealing, so is staying in on the couch all night every night with your boo.
3. Everything you own becomes theirs and vice versa.
When you live with someone expect that everything that was once solely yours to become theirs. Expect them to wear your socks, underwear, borrow your comb, whenever they want because what is mine is yours, am I right? If you’re someone who deeply values your possessions, you need to be OK with the idea that the person you’re living with is going to begin using them. It’s only natural, but it can be jarring if you’ve never had to share every single thing you own.
4. It basically becomes a high pressure living situation.
When someone doesn’t do the dishes, or leaves a wet towel on the bed, it’s difficult because as a roommate you want to vocalize your anger, but as a lover you can feel guilty for doing so. Similarly, it can often become heated because of how much time you’re spending with each other instead of other people. The reality is that when you move in together the expectation that you’re going to be with that person for life is there, and naturally that commitment would make anyone anxious. Couple this with the harsh realities of housework, and you’ve got yourself a recipe for disaster.
5. You can lose a sense of yourself.
This is perhaps the most important reason to consider not moving in with a significant other. While it may be appealing to share your life with someone in such an intense and amazing way, you do lose a sense of your self. After living with someone for so long you stop thinking in terms of ‘me’ and start thinking in terms of ‘us,’ and ‘we.’ Such as what do we want to do this weekend? and what restaurant do we want to order in from tonight? While living together has its perks, the reality is that when you move in with someone you begin to blur the lines between your personalities making it is easy to feel lost in the shuffle of it all.