giving birth, what happens after giving birth, 24 hours after birth

7 Things You Should Absolutely Not Say to a Woman Who Just Gave Birth

Nothing is more amazing—or insane—than giving birth to a child. No book you’ve read, reality show you’ve watched, or story you’ve heard from a friend can come remotely close to explaining what goes down when it’s baby go-time. After 9 months of carrying a mini human being inside of you, you finally get to meet them. And it’s effing incredible. But it might take a minute for said incredibleness to sink in.

Sure, moms are all doped up on a heavy concoction of oxytocin, endorphins, adrenaline—and anything their doc may have given them—after their delivery, but still. They probably do not want to hear these things just yet.

Related-ish: 8 Weird Things You’re Doing RN That Are Prepping You to Be a Mom

1. “Isn’t it amazing?!”

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Sure. Yes. But can a motha have a minute to deal with the fact that her insides feel like they’re being ripped apart and to cope with the extreme sleep deprivation she’s experiencing before she’s all, “This is the best thing ever! Fuck yeah momming!!!” Look. The first day or two post-childbirth is a complete blur. Give her a minute to, you know, become cognizant.

2. “She looks just like your partner/you.”

OK, when it comes to which parent baby looks like a few hours after they’re born, let’s all pump the brakes. For the first two days of their lives, pretty much all children look like tiny, adorable, wrinkly old men.

3. “Are you breastfeeding/bottle-feeding/making your own special formula of goat’s milk and gluten-free faerie farts?”

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Dude, does it really matter? If baby’s healthy, who TF cares? Most moms who have never breastfed are just getting the hang of things—and nursing is freakin’ hard in the beginning. Don’t put added pressure on a brand new mama by interrogating her about her feeding choice. (Because the only people it has anything to do with are mom and baby.)

4. “So, how’d it go? Did you get the drugs? Tell me you got the drugs.”

A woman’s birth story is truly amazing. And sometimes it feels good for a mom to share her experience. But maybe not so much right after the insanity that is giving birth? The entire thing is still so surreal initially—and recounting what happened so soon afterwards is practically impossible. (Also, you gotta let a little time go by before you’re really up for ~reliving~ it, you know?)

5. “You should totally swaddle this way/read that book/get this exact baby carrier, etc.” 

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New moms, old moms, moms with 32 kids are going to get unsolicited advice about their parenting choices on the reg. It just comes with the territory. But hearing it right after giving birth? Pass. A mom who’s still bed-ridden and bleeding should not be on the receiving end of someone telling her what she should be doing. ‘Cause the only thing she should be doing is resting—and getting to know her kid.

6. “You think you’ll have another?”

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At a time when a woman has barely finished having her first, please don’t ask her when she’s going in for baby number two. Just… no.

7. “Aren’t you relived it’s over?” 

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Of course having a baby is more exciting than being pregnant, and of course it’s a physical relief for a mom to no longer be carrying a baby inside of her! But the first 24 hours after giving birth are So. Emotional. A mom might feel sad that her pregnancy is over or nervous about the fact that—um, yeah—she has a human being to take care of now. She might not want to feel pressure to pop the proverbial champagne just yet. The thing she wants most from a friend? To hear that she’s doing an amazing job. Because she is.


See Also: 9 Things That Make It Painfully Obvious You’re A Millennial Mom

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