Over the past week, you’ve probably become vaguely aware of the fact that New York Fashion Week is upon us yet again. There are new styles, new makeup trends, new photos of celebrities looking bored while watching models — it’s a style industry whirlwind.
And, if you’re not in the inner sanctum of such a frenzy, it can be somewhat mystifying.
As a non-celeb, my perception of Fashion Week involves a multitude of questions (Where IS it? And, wasn’t it Fashion Week, like, just a few weeks ago?), an abundance of wild assumptions (I believe everyone who attends an industry-only event is required to frown openly), and perhaps a naive hope or two (Why can’t Anna Wintour sit there with a white Bond Villain cat in her lap? What’s stopping her?).
Here are some of the beliefs I hold about this year’s Fashion Week, as a lowly peon with an untrained eye. These are also definitive pieces of proof as to why I will never be invited to New York Fashion Week:
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This model clearly misplaced her outfit, but I must say that she’s handling it admirably.
Just like this dude lost his damn pants (not that I’m complaining, mind you).
Guys. You guys. Mischa Barton is being held at NYFW against her will. Please call someone.
Like, seriously. Someone come rescue Mischa.
Ugh. Yet another model perpetuating IMPOSSIBLE BODY STANDARDS.
Um. I think someone should tell this model that she’s having a Something About Mary moment.
Aw, look! This swaddled BB boy just got out of the bathtub!
Taylor Swift, hanging with her … Squad? Is THIS the Squad? Is anyone in the immediate vicinity of Taylor Swift automatically in her squad? Will check on this.
This model CANNOT believe that she just accidentally ate a doughnut. So embarrassing!
This model forgot to trim her fingernail hairs. Awkward!
Whoops. Somebody interrupted this model in the middle of pulling her sweater over her head.
HOLY FUCK, THIS LADY JUST STUCK HER FINGERS IN A BUNCH OF MOUSE TRAPS.
Wait, there’s CANDY involved? OKAY, FASHION WEEK, I AM IN.
This bitch clearly thinks she’s better than everyone else.
OMG YOU GUYS, IT’S ACTUALLY DARIA.
This guy is just wondering whose idea it was to seat him in the CHICK SECTION.
Okay, in spite of myself, I think these photos have actually taught me quite a bit.
Namely, that there are all of these well-oiled men at Fashion Week that I NEVER knew existed (game-changer), and that, if you’re able to suppress your smile, the whole thing actually looks kind of fun.
Except for the whole “impossible beauty standards” thing, but whatevs.