Picking a wine can be a difficult and arduous process. There are so many to choose from, and they’re all amazing! You love them all like children! Sadly, your budget only allows for one bottle at a time.
If you find yourself stuck in such a conundrum at the liquor store, there IS a solution. Simply turn to one of the most reliable preference indicators available: your taste in men.
I’m serious! How you like your guys isn’t that far off from how you like your booze (for better or worse). Sometimes we want a drink that’s reliable and pairs well with anything. Other times, we just secretly want a drink that knocks us off our feet, both literally and figuratively.
Here are some easy ways to determine which vino will pair best with your Dude Du Jour. The best thing about all of these wine choices is that, at worst, you’ll be over the hangover in a matter of hours. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for the men.
The Adventurous Type: Lambrusco
If you’re a sucker for any guy who tells you that he took a “gap year” to “backpack around Europe,” then you clearly have a taste for the adventurous — at least when it comes to other people. To match your thirst for the new and unusual, you need a wine with a bit of personality and spark. If you haven’t tried a Lambrusco, you may soon find yourself in love with this particular vino. Lambrusco wines are chilled reds which are generally frothy and a tiny bit fizzy. That’s right: there is such a thing as a chilled, sparkling red wine. You’re welcome. The best part is that it’s not overly sweet, so it won’t diminish your street cred.
The Bookish Guy: Malbec
If your taste in men tends to veer into the “bookworm” category, then a nice Malbec is definitely your wine match. This red is definitely the sort of wine you drink while engaging in “deep” conversations or debates, or perhaps quietly reading by a crackling fire. It’s easy to drink and goes down smooth — and is only slightly pretentious.
The Flannel-Clad Hipster: Pinot Noir
If you love tattoos, flannel, and robust bears (paired with an obscure taste in music), then your hipster-loving ways will definitely go for a nice Pinot Noir. This wine checks off all your boxes: it’s not too fussy, but it’s also not as basic as a boring Merlot — plus it’s got a bit of sexiness going for it. And, most important, you won’t sound like a square when you order it at your local watering hole (which just opened last week).
The Outgoing Guy: Chardonnay
If you tend to love loquacious and outgoing dudes, who flourish at parties and charm everyone they meet, then Chardonnay is the wine for you. Complex yet easygoing, this white wine gets along with everybody — and has that added dash of class, too. And, unlike your guy, the wine won’t talk over you when you try to add to the conversation!
The Shy, Sensitive Type: Rosé
If you’re a sucker for shy boys, then you’re very likely a secret romantic, and are prone to daydreaming. Rosé should definitely be your wine of choice, as it’s definitely a tad doe-eyed with a surprising amount of depth (depending on the brand, naturally). Isn’t it only fitting that you’re sipping a pink wine when you’re staring soulfully into your lover’s eyes?
The Boy Next Door: Pinot Grigio
If you like the reliable and boyish type (ugh, wish we could ALL be so practical), then a no-nonsense Pinot Grigio is right up your alley. This complementary white wine pairs well with almost any meal, and has a light, somewhat casual nature. It never disappoints, and it never flakes out on your dates.
The Comedian: Syrah
If you’r enamored with the biting, witty types who often do standup or host their own podcast (not that I’m speaking from experience here), then a full-bodied Syrah is the wine for you. This deep red has plenty of personality, and a very distinct flavor and a hint of attitude. You’ll definitely have a love-hate relationship with this wine: it will make you giggly, but it’ll also give you a fierce hangover. Much like dating comedians!
The Bad Boy: Champagne
Let’s be real, if you go for bad boys, you probably aren’t even a wine-drinker to begin with. But, if you had to choose, you would probably want to go with Champagne (or perhaps Prosecco). After all, this sparkling wine is the party drink of choice. It’s fun and exciting, and, at the proper moment, it will certainly drop you on your ass — much like the bad boys you’re so fond of.
The Strong, Silent Type: Cabernet Sauvignon
A complex and stoic man pairs nicely with a complex and (somewhat) stoic wine: the Cabernet Sauvignon. While many mistake this red wine for being a “standard choice,” it’s really anything but: underneath that unassuming exterior is quite a bit of depth. Plus, it pairs well with a nice, home-cooked steak — which your strong, silent type probably makes exceptionally well.