A Definitive Ranking Of Trader Joe’s Fall Foods

Shopping at Trader Joe’s always seems like a gift: aisles and aisles of ridiculously cheap snack and junk food, and more $5 wines than is actually safe for anyone’s well-being.

Autumn is an especially wonderful time to shop at Trader Joe’s, because that’s when the store unveils their seasonal products — so there is a shit-ton of pumpkin-flavored snacking to be had. However, due to the sheer saturation of fall Trader Joe’s products, it can be difficult to sample every seasonal treat (no matter how talented you are at snacking).

That’s why we’ve done the leg-work for you, ranking the autumnal Trader Joe’s products from our least favorite to our most favorite. This way, you can cut right to the chase, and get as much snacking in as possible.

Here they are, ranked in their ascending order:


Related-ish: 31 Pumpkin Spice Abominations That Will Bring Society To Its Knees


25. Autumnal Harvest Creamy Pasta Sauce

DO NOT MAKE THIS MISTAKE. I promise you will regret pouring this can of vomit onto your pasta. Just trust me on this one.

 

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24. Pumpkin Ice Cream

Sounds like a great idea, right? In actuality, this ice cream is actually kind of gross, and a little slimy. Proceed with caution.

pumpkin ice cream A Definitive Ranking Of Trader Joes Fall Foods

23. Pumpkin Tortilla Chips

Just … GTFO.

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22. Pumpkin Joe-Joes

I’m sure these are actually pretty tasty, but I’m ranking them low because of the stupid name.

pumpkin joe joes A Definitive Ranking Of Trader Joes Fall Foods

21. Pumpkin Spice Salted Caramels

Ew. Salted caramels are great, but please leave Pumpkin Spice out of this.

pumpkin salted caramels A Definitive Ranking Of Trader Joes Fall Foods

20. Pumpkin Cornbread

Cornbread is already good, you guys. Don’t mess up a good thing by trying to make it hip.

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19. Fall Harvest Salsa

Salsa should be spicy, and involve tomatoes and peppers — not pumpkins, apples and squash. That is all.

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18. Pumpkin Spice Coffee

Flavored coffee doesn’t really have much of a flavor, honestly. Go ahead and buy this stuff, but you may find yourself drinking some remarkably normal-tasting coffee.

pumpkin spice coffee A Definitive Ranking Of Trader Joes Fall Foods

17. Honey Roasted Pumpkin Ravioli

Why does pumpkin have to be involved in our pasta-making? WHY?? I’m gonna pass on this one.

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16. Pumpkin Butter

Kind of underwhelming, honestly. Would prefer the Trader Joe’s Cookie Butter instead.

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15. Pumpkin Pie Spice Cookie Butter

Dude, just buy the regular cookie butter. Trust me.

pumpkin pie spice cookie butter A Definitive Ranking Of Trader Joes Fall Foods

14. Pumpkin Pancake And Waffle Mix

Waffles are dope. Waffles that are pumpkin-flavored are also dope (though not really that flavorful, honestly).

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13. Pumpkin Spice Rooibos

This is a pretty comforting taste on a fall evening, TBH.

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12. Pumpkin Pie Mochi Ice Cream

An interesting concept in theory — unfortunately, the actual execution sorta falls flat.

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11. Apple Pie Cheddar Cheese

Ehhhh. I would be fine if this product never existed.

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10. Spiced Cider

I mean, it’s a fall staple — how the hell are you supposed to get through the months of autumn without drinking this stuff?

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9. Iced Cranberry Orange Scones

Pretty tasty, but I will admit that I’m kind of ~*over*~ the cranberry-orange flavor combo.

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8. Iced Pumpkin Scone Cookies

These taste like pumpkin doughnut holes, and they’re amazing. Just trust me on this.

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7. Butternut Squash Parmigiana

I actually like squash, so if autumn products mean more squash, then I am all for it. Also, this looks like it’s coated in cheese, so how bad could it be?

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6. Pumpkin Biscotti

This really freaking good with your morning coffee (which does NOT need to be pumpkin spice-flavored).

pumpkin biscotti A Definitive Ranking Of Trader Joes Fall Foods

5. Pumpkin Macarons

Okay, I’m begrudgingly into the macaron trend, and I decree that these actually taste really good.

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4. Pumpkin Rolls

One of those few times when combining two good things (pumpkins and cinnamon rolls) actually results in one, greater thing.

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3. Pumpkin Seed Brittle

Was concerned and hesitant about this product (pumpkin seeds are only slightly appetizing), but after trying it, I am a convert.

pumpkin seed brittle A Definitive Ranking Of Trader Joes Fall Foods

2. Mini Pumpkin Pies

A pumpkin pie that I can somehow eat MORE easily, and in larger quantities? SOLD.

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1. Mini Ginger Pumpkin Ice Cream Mouthfuls

This product’s name alone is an utter mouthful. But, I want them in my mouth now, so I guess it worked.

ginger pumpkin mini mouthfuls A Definitive Ranking Of Trader Joes Fall Foods

Related-ish: 9 Fall Wines Under $20 That You Can Pair With Pumpkin Spice Anything

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