Here’s What The Sinners Are Buying On Amazon This Week

First thing’s first, go ahead and give yourself a nice pat on the back for making it to the weekend. Freedom is FINALLY upon us and we could not be more relieved. That being said, it wouldn’t really be the weekend without the sinners of Amazon list.

We know you’ve been waiting all week for this moment. Never fear, we wouldn’t let you start the weekend without this epic list of the freakiest shit people are shopping for. Just when you thought it couldn’t get any weirder, the deviants of Amazon are buying all kinds of new novelty items. WARNING: Items Most Likely NSFW.

See Also: This Doctor’s “Solution” For Women Who Struggle To Orgasm Is Total Bullsh*t


1. Bigbanana Cute Jack Rabbit Vibrator

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Tbh, it always makes me giggle when I see the word “cute” used to describe any kind of sex toy…because that’s really going to get me in the mood to use it. Anyway, this cute jack rabbit vibrator which actually bears an uncomfortable likeness to a rabbit, has 5 stars on Amazon and is said to give the “most intense climaxes ever.”

Get it HERE

2. Doc Johnson Vac-U-Lock Platinum Edition – The Beau with Supreme Harness

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This rather aggressive-looking strap on is a hot buy for our freaky shoppers this week. One reviewer said the item was the perfect way to spice up his relationship with his girlfriend, “it fits my girlfriend perfectly almost like it’s her very own.” Well, don’t kick it ’till you try it I guess.

Get it HERE

3. X-rated Missionary Keychain

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Okay, so this item is a personal favorite. I mean, it’s just too funny. Not to mention, it’s a great conversation starter. “What’s that on your keychain?…Oh just two people fucking.” That’s sure to break the ice, am I right? Maybe better for bar conversation than the office, but you get the point.

Get it HERE

4. California Exotics Wind-Up Walkin’ Flasher

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Yes, we’re a bit immature over here because this had us laughing a lot longer than it should have. Come on, a wind up penis that flashes you his penis!? It doesn’t get more ridiculous than that. God help whoever we get for secret Santa this year.

Get it HERE 

5. Frisky Add A Bullet Vibrating Panties with Pouch

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Though I’m typically a bit skeptical when it comes to vibrating undies, this pair has a 5 star rating on Amazon so maybe they’re worth a try. According to the product description, you just “add your bullet and enjoy discreet, travel friendly, and hands-free vibration.” Sounds like a party.

Get it HERE

6. Realistic Masturbator Doggy Style Sex Doll

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Here it is, that one item that is just really too disturbing for words. Every week we have at least one and this “doggy style sex doll” takes the gold. To each their own I guess, but where is the rest of the doll’s body? She looks so contorted and unnatural. Isn’t that the point for them to look somewhat natural? I don’t understand. Anyway, Amazon gives this one another 5 stars saying it’s a “Sweet sexual helper, you deserve to have it.”

Get it HERE

7. Strict Leather Premium Locking Leather Cock Ring and Butt Plug Harness

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If you’re one for the BDSM life, this might be a product for your shopping cart. According to its quite graphic product description, “you can cinch this harness down and experience the thrill of having a raging erection while the plug penetrates you.” You do you, boo boo.

Get it HERE

8. 11.5″ Caterpillar Mega Dong Dildo Anal Plug

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Dear god. This monster of a dildo aptly labeled “Caterpillar Mega Dong” is a terrifying 11 and a half inches. That’s basically a ruler, people. I know some people like a well endowed man, but that is just on another level. It’s intimidating to even look at.

Get it HERE

9.  Oral Sex Mints with Numbing Agent

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These are actually not the worst idea in the world. The mints are infused with a mild but effective numbing agent to help suppress your gag reflex for longer and more pleasurable playtime. Not to mention, it gives him a cool and tingly sensation to enjoy.

Get it HERE

10. Electro Tongue Vibrator

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This oral sex toy is essentially supposed to simulate the feeling of a tongue on your lady parts. Though we’re a bit skeptical on its effectiveness, Amazon reviewers are all about it. Maybe it’s worth a try, we’ll let you be the judge.

Get it HERE

11. Happy Endings Fortune Cookies

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These are pretty amazing. We will most definitely be ordering them and passing them strategically around the office for our coworkers to enjoy. Don’t worry, our HR has a great sense of humor.

Get it HERE

12. Kama Sutra Chocolate Body Paint

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I’m not going to lie, I’ve always been tempted to try this. Chocolate and sex, two of the world’s greatest creations in one place. While I’m not sure how great this particular chocolate is going to taste, it’s worth a try right?

Get it HERE

13. Sexflesh Sleeve Sensations Mouth Thruster

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What is it about flesh lights that just makes my skin crawl? Oh, I know it’s the freakish rubber nose/mouth combination that looks like something from my nightmares or American Horror Story. This one, in particular, has a disturbing semblance of a tongue sticking out of it and is titled a “mouth thruster.” I’ll just leave you with that.

Get it HERE

See Also: 11 Men And Women Confess Their Pegging And Butt-Play Secrets

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