We grew up fantasizing about being Disney princesses and sitting in front of the TV for hours, soaking in their lightning-fast romances, but what happens between the carriage driving off and the sequel where we’re introduced to Ariel Junior?
Of course, we’d never actually see them do it, because Disney movies are so squeaky clean. (Well, for the most part. Consider: The stars in Lion King that spelled “sex,” the penis in King Triton’s castle in The Little Mermaid. If you look closely enough, plenty of the classics are riddled with R-rated Easter eggs.) But given those red hot romances between Aladdin and Jasmine, Belle and the Beast, etc., I’m pretty sure things eventually got X-rated between our favorite Disney couples.
We all know that if you adore Belle, cuz you’re a bookworm, or if Ariel’s your girl, cuz you’re such a rebel, right? So, surely surely, your fave’s undocumented sex life reveals something about you, too!
Here, the sex advice you could most use, based on your favorite Disney princess.
Related-ish: 10 Flat-Out Lies That Disney Taught Young Girls
You’re a good, smart, empowered kinda girl with a fiery, rebellious streak. Take your partner to a whole new world by showing them your naughty side. Indulge in a bit of role play. Then, maybe let him or her watch you take yourself on a ~magic carpet ride~.
Don’t be afraid to be adventurous in the bedroom. Let them go just around the river bend. Take control during foreplay. And push their head under the covers until they have you screaming “John Smith!” Or, you know, whatever their name actually is.
Wear your sexiest heels while you’re doin’ it and doin’ it and doin’ it well. Cuz even if that’s not his thing, it will be by the time you’re done with him. (Your feet are just that attractive, girl.) Also, don’t be scared to show them exactly how to play with your mouse. But above all else, leave them wanting more. They should want to search entire kingdoms to get another taste.
Look. Mulan wasn’t afraid to get sweaty and wear the pants, and neither should you. Be a lady in the street but a Ping in the sheets. Put your hair up and show them you know exactly how to get down to business. (In other words, maybe try pegging?)
Mmm-hmm. Who wants Prince Charming when you can have a Beast? A SEX BEAST. Be open to taking a little walk on the wild side, and see where your go-getter spirit takes you. Beast mode—aka gettin’ a bit rough with a bit spanking, a lot of dirty talk—can be a lot of fun for the both of you.
6. Princess Aurora
Yeah, missionary, vanilla sex is cool, but you’ll be your partner’s manic pixie dream girl if you keep switching things up. You know, keeping it fresh by changing the scenery. Maybe sneaking out to do it in the woods. If he or she is a real prick, though, just pretend to be narcoleptic.
7. Snow White
Whistle while you twerk and make sex fun. Don’t be scared to totally shake up your usual routine and go find a whole new jam that’s even more fulfilling. Definitely experiment with new things to find out what works for you—and what doesn’t. (Rotten, toxic apples, I’m looking at you.) Sometimes you have to fool around with a few Dopeys before you find your Charming.
Make a big splash by using dinglehoppers in the bedroom. Visit a sex shop together, and buy some new gadgets and gizmos to try out on each other. OK, you may get tongue-tied on occasion, but when that happens, just show your bae how to find the pearl in your clam.