You Can Now Discover Your Patronus On Pottermore, And It Might Be Super Unflattering

For those of us muggles who are still pretty convinced we’re secretly wizards, a big development has been unveiled in the world of Harry Potter today.

Specifically, Pottermore has released its new and impressive “Discover Your Patronus” quiz, which takes Potterheads on a mesmerizing journey through the Forbidden Forest (with Dementors hot on their heels) in order to discover the true nature of their Patronus.


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After choosing from various sets of words, the user is rewarded with their very own Patronus, bursting forth from the tip of their wand — er, cursor.

Naturally, the internet is abuzz with the news, as everyone has always made very self-flattering assumptions as to what their own Patronus would be. Now, all of your musings can finally be put to rest with this HIGHLY SCIENTIFIC profiling quiz.

J.K Rowling herself took the test and ended up with some sort of stork/crane.

Other Twitter users were equally excited about taking the Pottermore quiz, but had somewhat mixed reactions as to their results.

So, yes, some of the Patronus options are totally enviable — and some are not. After answering the Pottermore questions as honestly as I could, I ended up with a FUCKING SALMON.

screen shot 2016 09 22 at 8 10 04 am You Can Now Discover Your Patronus On Pottermore, And It Might Be Super Unflattering

OOH VERY SCARY, MY PATRONUS WILL SMOTHER YOUR BAGEL TO DEATH.

Our editor, Jake Currie, ended up with a Marsh Harrier, which is considerably better. However, he’s very much annoyed that he ended up with a bird, instead of a mammal (which is silly, because phoenixes are birds, and they are awesome).

screen shot 2016 09 22 at 11 12 00 am  2  You Can Now Discover Your Patronus On Pottermore, And It Might Be Super Unflattering

So, just know that the “Discover Your Patronus” game is all fun and good, but it may also make you feel like a stinky fish (or rat, or mongrel dog).

Proceed with caution, unless you are ready for shit to get real.

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