How To Keep Friends When You’re An Introvert

I’m as introverted as they come. Storytime. When my husband started his new job, we moved across the country and moved into a dumpy motel room for over a month while we searched for a place to live. He took our only car to work. There was nowhere to walk, so my human interaction for that month was almost literally none. AND IT WAS GLORIOUS. Maybe the best month of my life. I LOVED the disconnect from civilization, the peace, the QUIET. The introvert in me was able to shine brightly. It was absolute perfection.

But there’s one problem. I still like having friends. And I don’t always make friends with other introverts. That’s right. I’m an introvert that sometimes….sometimes makes friends with extroverts. And I’ve realized something important: they don’t always understand my introverted ways. In fact, they sometimes think that I don’t really like them anymore because it’s been what? Like two weeks since I’ve contacted them? Sigh. Yup. If I want to be friends with extroverts, I’ve gotta realize that I have to budge a little to keep these friends.

So here’s the way I’ve done that. Listen up.

Related-ish: Introverted TV Characters That Will Make You Say “Same”


1. Text

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Let’s get the obvious one out of the way. As you might imagine, I hate talking on the phone. If I have to make an important phone call, I’ll sometimes write out notes so that I don’t end up saying something stupid or forget the details. It’s ridiculous, but it works. Calling friends gives me the same butterflies as calling my mortgage company, so I text as often as I can.

2. Take Notes

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Make a to-do list and schedule in your friends, even if it’s just to send a text or an email. Pick a time and day that you’re usually feeling social, whether that be a Friday night or midnight on Tuesday.

3. Talk about them to them

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Who doesn’t like a compliment? Well, maybe not you. Because who wants all that attention? But seriously, your friends will enjoy you telling them how awesome they are and how much they mean to you.

4. Bake all the cookies!

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Who doesn’t love fresh baked cookies? And really, baking cookies can be pretty damn fun because you can do it by yourself in the comfort of your own home, in your pajamas no less.

5. Explain Yo’self

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Come clean and explain to your friends about your introverted nature — especially if they think you’re being standoffish or disinterested. They might not get it. Send them some links like this article that discusses how introverts interact differently with the world or this article about the differences between introverts and extroverts and the science that backs it.

6. Host a sleepover

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Maybe you really want to see your friends, but you don’t want to leave the house. You don’t want to go to their house and you certainly don’t want to go out to the bar. There may be nothing better than a good old fashioned sleepover. You get to see your friends, stay home, have fun, and you can go to bed whenever you damn please.

7. Have an amazing party every once in a while

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When all else fails, pick up a bottle and go out for a night on the town with your friends. If you don’t ever go out, all the texts, cookies, and compliments might not take hold. Sometimes friends just need to have a big night every once in a while.

Related-ish: Why You Need To Host An Adult Sleepover, ASAP

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