Everyone has a celebrity crush. It’s innocuous fun, unless you’re some sort of creepy stalker. Don’t be a creepy stalker. Our partners often give us the “If you got a chance…” rule, which allows us to super hypothetically sleep with said celebrity, should the opportunity to arise. Which it doesn’t, ever (dear clive Owen, I’m waiting).
That said, I asked a bunch of men who their all-time favorite celebrity crushes are — and why. The responses are somewhat telling. For one, gentlemen actually don’t prefer blondes, and two, you can tell which guys are total nerds.
“Definitely Helen Mirren. Are you fucking kidding me? She was smokin’ then and she’s smokin’ now. That’s a crazy thing about her….I guess it’s damn good genetics. But I would probably rather have sex with 70-year old Helen Mirren then most women my age. Except my girlfriend of course…but I don’t know. This is anonymous, right?” — Dylan, 35
“Can I just say Kate Upton and be that guy? I have a beautiful girlfriend who is brunette and short and tiny, so I feel sort of bad saying it, but come on. Every guy has a busty blonde fantasy. Sorry to say.” — Ryan, 30
“I tend to get crushes on girls at work….which is bad, right? But if I had to pick a celebrity crush it’d be Aubrey Plaza. She seems real and smart and weird, which is my type. Except she’s also insanely hot and dark and has this weird wild eye thing I am drawn to. I guess she’s too skinny but I sort of find it really appealing with her.” — Pradeesh, 29
“Monica Bellucci. Most beautiful woman on the planet. I’d probably trade my girlfriend in for her, honestly. No, no I wouldn’t. My girlfriend sort of looks like her though — dark, curvy, all that.” — Vinny, 28
“Monica Bellucci, any day. Her lips, her whole face, her breasts, her way of commanding any scene she’s in. She’s ageless. There are a lot of beautiful women out there. A lot of young sexy women. But Monica is like the high priestess of sexuality, if you will. But not Irreversible. Don’t watch that.” — Hugh, 34
“I really like Natalie Portman. Her eyes drive me insane. Also she smokes and has a college degree, which makes her more real. I saw her once in person and she was even more beautiful than on-screen….I love her in Closer. That’s my dream scenario…with her in the backroom at the club. I like to be commanding.” — Chip, 27
“I have always really liked Mila Jovovich. It’s more than her looks…and she’s fucking absolutely gorgeous. It’s her whole demeanor. She seems like she could really give you a run for your money. My girlfriend is sort of shy, so I guess I think Mila represents something else.” — Ted, 30
“Gillian Anderson…wasn’t she every guy’s wet dream? I liked redheads and sci-fi, so she’s my perfect woman. I still like her today, but those X File years… were her pinnacle. The red hair, man.” — Garret, 30
“Rihanna. She is the finest woman out there. She’s not too skinny. She seems like a bitch, which I like. She’s got tattoos, those eyes, she’s toned but womanly. She never wears a bra, love that. Rihanna. My girlfriend loves her too.” — David, 24
“Jennifer Lawrence, probably, although there are many and I’m forgetting her. She just seems really cool. I think my girlfriend would agree, though, that Jennifer Lawrence should be my favorite, haha.” — Jason, 29
“It has always been Rosario Dawson. She’s a total babe. I also feel like she could kick my ass, and I’m into that.” — Gabe, 32
“Definitely Bella Hadid. I like her sister but I prefer brunettes. My girlfriend knows this…. she says she’s got a plastic face, but I guess I like her plastic face? She’s super tall and pretty skinny but I like that she maintains a body with boobs and isn’t starving herself to death. She’s got a very mysterious and dark look to her.” — Ant, 31
I’d love to say Sophia Loren, but since she’s older now, I would pick Eva Green. She has that old-school beauty going on. Very voluptuous, very sexy, very classy. Not at all like the Kardashians or anyone like that — who could be pretty if they weren’t, well, them. But I like women who don’t try to get all the attention. She seems coy. Like my girlfriend.” — Johnny, 28
Related-ish: 8 Thoughts Every Woman Has During Sex With An Ex