Let’s be clear for a second — “bitch” is not a nice term. It’s often applied to women who don’t fit nicely into the feminine, soft, sugary-sweet category. Hillary Clinton is probably the biggest bitch out there right now, all because she doesn’t smile or act like “a woman.” So, there’s a bitch and then there’s a bitch. The latter is what I’m talking about here, and it’s a woman who doesn’t support others or who actively creates a terrible environment for other women. There’s a special place in hell…, as they say.
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1. You constantly put down other women.
Guess what doesn’t matter at all, ever? Your opinion of how another person looks. Yes, we all can see if someone is attractive (to us) and if they’re not (to us). But you don’t need to vocalize it — and you don’t to make passive digs at anyone. Sending your friend a direct Instagram message in which you call someone ugly or fat? You can stop that RIGHT now. Because that’s mean and we’re all grownups here, right?
2. You are obsessed with what you look like.
If you have insecurities, welcome to the club. If you have hangups, that’s OK. We’re all in this together. But what if you fucking love what you see — and work hard for it? Great! That’s fantastic, but you don’t need to go on and go about your looks and your body. Seeking attention — passively or directly — isn’t necessarily a bad thing. But recognizing that privilege and the systems in place that make us want perfection is pretty important. There’s a reason 20 million women in the U.S.
have an eating disorder — and it’s made worse by people who idealize unrealistic standards. The more narcissistic you are, the worse message you send to others around — about themselves and you.
No one likes a narcissist.
3. You judge everyone according to your standards.
Statistically, your opinion matters less than .01 percent of the time. Have you flown a rocket to the moon? Written a great American novel? Found a cure for AIDS? Even then, you probably don’t matter. So, try getting some perspective. If you don’t like someone’s hair, outfit, opinion, etc — that’s OK. Move on.
4. You pride yourself on being a bitch.
Sometimes being a bitch it necessary — but even that word has its issues. For one, women tend to be called bitches when they’re assertive, direct or in positions of power. That’s called patriarchy. But if you’re mean-spirited and you actually like that about yourself (and please don’t confuse assertive with nasty), then you’re sort of a bitch.
5. You like to have the upper-hand just to have the upper-hand.
This one’s tricky, because lots of people are naturally charismatic, assertive and dominant. Lots of people are natural leaders. But if you try to dominate a conversation or room or group, it’s like the equivalent of pissing on your territory just to show…what? That you’re there? We’re evolved human beings. You don’t need ultimate power at all times, I promise. Reserve your power and strength for when it matters — getting a raise, stopping workplace harassment, sticking up for someone who can’t stick up for themselves, spreading awareness for good causes, teaching your coworkers or creating a product. Whatever.
6. You rank your friends in order of importance, prettiness or ability to help you.
If you’re constantly looking for friends to help you in some way (get into clubs, get free stuff, go on vacation at their parents’ beach house), or if you’re always ranking your friends in order of importance by their looks or social prowess (job, salary, etc), you may want to reevaluate what friendship means to you. Friends aren’t there to serve you. You’re there to be kind and good to one another. Anything else is just loneliness with glitter on top.
7. You don’t support other women.
You secretly don’t want your friend to get that job, or if she does, it still better not pay as much or be higher up as yours. And you won’t talk up your coworker to your boss, because then she may look better than you. Or you don’t reach out, simply as a friend, to make someone feel better out of the kindness of your heart. You’re just not interested in seeing other women succeed. Or, when women speak up against you, you belittle their ideas and gaslight them. It’s hard to know if you do this, because it takes a lot of self-awareness and brutal honesty. But if this is you, you don’t have to do this forever. A woman is about to be president. It’s time to join the army.
8. You say you “just don’t like other women.”
49.6 percent of the world’s population is female
, which means there’s about 3.52 billion in the world as of 2014. Have you met every single one of them? No. Have you gone into meeting women with the idea that you don’t like women? Well, that’s a sure-fire way to end up not liking someone. Maybe it’s something about you — not about all the other women out there.