Because floral prints and chevron aren’t nearly the same speed as the idea of your baby (or small kiddo) decked out in leather, we decided to put together this extremely necessary guide on how to up the badass baby ante in your life.
1. This badass ‘Baby Bandits’ muscle tee
Baby bandits, you guys. Imaging taking your little hell’s angel home from the hospital in one of these because he/she has stolen your heart and will almost definitely end up being the total badass baby you’ve always envisioned? Via Rockabyebabe.com
2. This toddler-sized motorcycle
How rad would your little monster look pulling up to preschool in this bad boy? This pink one is available here.
3. Lullaby versions of your fave Iron Maiden songs
Does it seem like I’m kidding? Promise you I’m not, and honestly, the lullabied hits are the subdued, gentle way to introduce your infant into his or her predestined badassery. Check ’em out here.
4. This gritty but adorable New York City shirt
If you love New York, and even your baby even loves the gritty, dirty water type street foods because he or she is a complete badass. You’ll need this dirty water hot dog rendition on the typically mundane “I heart NY” shirts, because it’s great. Via Piccoli NY
5. This awesome shirt with spikes
Shirts with spikes, ya’ll. Spikes (in the past and for the rest of time) = badass. Think about it, you never see a librarian wearing spikes, or butterflies with spikes. You see aggressive reptiles and employees of Hot Topic sporting spikes, and if that’s the dino-vibe you’re trying to channel for your offspring, it’s totally possible. Look at this cuteness. It even comes in preemie sizes so you know there’s never a day (even an early day from the womb) where your baby is stuck in lame florals.
6. This sassy skateboard
One of the many, many ways to raise a particularly badass female is to remove the limits of gender-specific athletics. If she’s a born athlete, let her live and breathe that. This 22″ skateboard by Penny Skateboards is making me want to be 4 years old again.
7. These tiny but tough lil stompers
How cool are these black hightops? If I could shrink my own feet down to slip into these and get on that mini skateboard that’s exactly where you’d find me (in the meantime, I’ll likely just get them for my own kids and ooze jealousy).
8. This Wu Tang onesie
There’s nothing wrong with introducing your tot to Wu Tang. Do it before you start solids though, okay? Ugh, it’s great.
9. This rockin’ nursery stool
Is it really necessary for you to decorate with hand-painted peonies and blush-colored blinds? I mean, probably not, but you can still do sophisticated and fun with a touch of badassery — like this seat that doubles as a stool for when baby grows. Black leather appearance with grommets, because amen the subtle things. Available here, and would be fun for a Harry Potter themed nursery if you’re into wizards and warlocks and such.
10. This AC/DC bib
If your kid is truly metal AF, they’re not going to care where their food flies when they’re flinging it into their mouths. Might as well let them cover up in style. Get it here.