If you’ve been in your current relationship for an extended amount of time (or if you’re simply too smitten to think clearly), it can become easy to justify any negative behavior coming from your partner. We’re so used to making the best of a situation, we often attribute any discomfort or discord in a relationship to our “crazy emotions” or “sensitivity.”
In reality, it’s important to recognize which behaviors are excusable, and which behaviors are signs of disrespect.
Here are some small signs which may be indicators that your relationship is toxic (or, at the very least, headed in a negative direction):
1. They don’t compliment you, ever.
Sure, romance and wooing can fall to the wayside eventually. However, your partner should be able to recognize your spark and allure even after being with you for years. If they don’t ever tell you how they appreciate you, it may very well be a sign that you’re being taken for granted — and while that may sound like an easy fix, it often isn’t.
2. You feel like you’re subtly being judged all the time.
If you’re afraid to talk about your music preferences or reveal your actual opinions, there’s a problem. A good relationship encourages you to be yourself, and not worry about whether or not the other person is secretly criticizing you. This is how you develop trust. If you feel like you aren’t free to be yourself, how are you ever going to be able to truly enjoy this relationship?
3. They don’t do small things for you.
Sometimes, keeping the love in a relationship is about doing small things for they other person. Perhaps it’s leaving a note when you leave in the morning, telling them to have a good day. Maybe it’s grabbing them a cookie on your way home from work because you know they’re having a bad day. These smalls acts of kindness signify that you’re on your partner’s mind during the day, even when you aren’t around. If they neglect to do any of these small romantic acts, it may be a sign that they just aren’t thinking about you very much.
4. They don’t seem interested in hearing about what you think.
When you start to discuss your opinion on a matter, or fill them in on your day, their eyes start to glaze over. Not only is this unfair, it’s a total waste of your time. If you make the effort to comfort them after their bad days or help them work through tough problems, then it’s only fair that they reciprocate.
5. You are constantly second-guessing text messages.
Just like it’s important to be yourself, it’s also important to feel like you can communicate freely with the other person. If you find yourself retyping messages or emails (and your reasons are outside of the realm of perfectionism), then it’s possible you may not being communicating honestly with the other person. While this is certainly something that can be worked through, it is definitely an issue that needs to be addressed.
6. When someone asks you how they are, your instinct is to roll your eyes.
If things are so hot-and-cold that you can’t even discuss things with your friends without complaining, it may be worth taking a step back and examining the situation. Is this a temporary phase, due to outside circumstances, or is this basically how your relationship has always been? If it’s the latter, it may be time to bail and search out a relationship you aren’t constantly bitching about.
7. They aren’t putting in any effort.
Relationships require compromise and equal amounts of effort. You cannot be the only person nurturing the needs of the relationship, while your partner lives their life, blithely oblivious to your needs. They should be giving as much as they’re getting (and I’m not just talking about sex — although that certainly applies). They should be willing to work at making the relationship work, just like you are. If they aren’t, then guess what? You have essentially become a glorified version of their mom.
8. You feel insecure.
While we all have our personal neuroses which will never go away, your significant other should ease your insecurities rather than prompt them. They shouldn’t cause you to question whether you’re attractive enough, or “good” enough. They should honestly make you feel like the best version of yourself, and inspire your confidence. If they don’t, their unappreciative ass may not be worth your time.
9. You clicked on this post.
Look, if I’m being perfectly honest, you don’t really need to read these signs to know how you feel — but it’s definitely possible that you’re burying your subconscious in order to avoid dealing with an uncomfortable situation. If you clicked on this article, looking for some sort of justification to prompt a breakup, that is the most obvious sign you need: you want to break up, but you’re looking for an excuse before you pull the trigger.