First comes love, then comes marriage, and then, if you’re lucky, you get to jet off to paradise to have lots of adventures and hot-hot sex with your beloved. The honeymoon is something lots of couples look forward to, but that doesn’t always mean it will be a fiasco-free experience. Even honeymooners can still lose luggage, get the runs, or end up with a wicked cold.
Here, 11 happily wedded ladies share their disastrous honeymoon experiences. These horror stories will have you vetting every restaurant, rethinking your luggage, and signing up for traveler’s insurance.
1. We didn’t put sunscreen on very well.
“My husband I went to Disney World for our honeymoon, and we spent one entire day just hanging out at the water park. We did the lazy river, where you just float on an inner tube, for probably two hours. Even though we’re both grown-ass adults, we didn’t put sunscreen on very well, and got super-burned. Needless to say, foreplay that night was just us rubbing aloe all over each other.” — Toni H., 33
2. We caught a stomach virus.
“We honeymooned in Seattle, and we both caught a stomach virus. We tried to fight through it and hike up a mountain, but we were both severely dehydrated and sick. Luckily, we had our bed and breakfast all to ourselves, so I took the bathroom in our suite and my husband took the bathroom in the suite down the hall. We spent the rest of our trip either using the bathroom or eating microwaveable cups of chicken noodle soup on the floor of our room. Not very romantic.” – Anonymous
3. I only packed lingerie.
“I made the mistake of only packing lingerie to wear to bed during my honeymoon. Not one damn T-shirt or pair of pajama pants. I only had day clothes, bikinis, and lingerie. The lingerie was fine until it was time to go to sleep. I froze every night, and woke up with goosebumps, blue lips/fingertips, a boob popping out every morning, and a thong shoved up my ass. Lingerie isn’t warm, and it’s not sexy at all in the morning. Even my new husband asked where my real PJs were after a few days of watching me wake up a mess.” – — Julie B., 35
4. It was like staying in a guest bedroom during Thanksgiving.
“We went to Disney World on our honeymoon. We arrived still hungover/dehydrated from the reception, and we were so exhausted. When we finally got to our hotel, we discovered they put us in a small room with two twin beds instead of a king suite. We called the front desk, they said all the rooms were booked, but they had another room..in two days. It was like staying in a guest bedroom at a parent’s house during Thanksgiving. So not romantic.” — Dani S., 32
5. My husband had to leave me for 10 days.
“My husband is Indian and I am a U.S. citizen. We live in India. I have a tourist visa and, therefore, have to leave the country every six months and could not return to India for 60 days! So, we timed our honeymoon to Nepal to coincide with my need to leave the country. We planned for me to apply for a different visa in Nepal so that I could return within two weeks. Unfortunately, we did not have the proper stamps and signatures on our marriage certificate, so during our honeymoon, my husband had to go back to India and leave me in Nepal for 10 days to take care of paperwork stuff. When he finally returned with all the necessary documents, they would not even give me the visa I was trying to get!” — angami, Reddit
6. A swinger’s club had booked the resort…
“We went to Cozumel for our honeymoon to an adults-only resort. Turns out a swinger’s club had booked most of the resort that week, and we were the only monogamous couple there. They were trading partners all day long and eyeing us. It was awkward, to say the least.” — Karen L., 31
7. Locked out of heaven?
“My husband and I went to New York City for our honeymoon. One night, we had sex and I got really, really thirsty. I was still in lingerie, but it was late, and we were right next to the room with the ice machine, so I decided to just pop out quickly and fill up the bucket while my husband was showering. Well, the door slammed before I could stop it so I was stuck in the hall in my underwear until my husband got out of the shower and could hear my knocking.” — Amy R., 29
8. A homeless guy chased us…
“Our cruise ship said they had no record of the money we put on account with them, our room smelled like someone wiped their tush with it (they couldn’t switch us), the couple at our required evening dining table had recently divorced but went on the trip anyway, and a homeless guy chased us at one of our ports. We had to laugh.” — ColinAllCarz, Reddit
9. Our chef came tearing out of the kitchen and screamed at me.
“My honeymoon was perfect—up until the last night. We were in Venice, and we found what looked to be a perfect restaurant. We were having a lovely time, until the entree came. My fish was a smelly, unevenly cooked mess, dry in parts and raw in others. I alerted the waiter and thought that was the end of it, until a very angry chef came tearing out of the kitchen with a hunk of raw fish on a tray and began waving the fish in front of my face, banging the tray on the table, and screaming at me in Italian as my husband and I sat in shock. When her tirade finally came to an end, the waiter cleared our plates and presented the bill, which my husband paid while I waited outside, too embarrassed to remain.” – Katie H., 37
10. We got food poisoning.
“My husband and I got food poisoning while on our honeymoon. The bed-side bathtub overlooking the ocean view at the W Hotel in Barcelona has probably seen plenty of action. But I’m sure it wasn’t expecting my regurgitated paella from the night before, a meal we’d eaten because a college friend had recommended the place, even though we were both dubious of its cleanliness and, more importantly, not very hungry. We were checking out that day to head into Basque Country, and we were both looking quite green when we arrived at our hotel in San Sebastian.” — Whitney F., 36
11. I spent time in the infirmary while they tried to figure out if I had something quarantine-worthy.
“We went on a cruise for our honeymoon—we got married in December and only had about $1,000 for a honeymoon, so that seemed the best choice, even though we knew we weren’t really cruise people. The only thing we were really super excited about on the cruise was an excursion to a nature park that I had been to before, which is one of my favorite places on the planet. I woke up the night before the excursion and felt completely terrible. By the morning, I had a fever of 103 and couldn’t sit up without coughing so hard I nearly threw up. I spent the whole day in the infirmary while they tried to figure out if I had something quarantine-worthy and the next two days feeling weak as hell. Definitely not an exciting honeymoon. I’m hoping to make it up to my husband on our five-year anniversary next winter.” — laidymondegreen, Reddit