11 High Alcohol Wines To Get You Nice And Buzzed Quicker

As those of you who have had the privilege of imbibing in boxed wine are well-aware, not all wine is created equal. From bottom shelf bottles, to wine lists we could never afford in our wildest dreams, the Wine Family is expansive and varied.

However, did you realize that certain wines actually have particularly high alcohol contents, as compared to other bottles? Certain wines that are over 14% alcohol are considered to be “high alcohol” wines — and just to give you some perspective, most wines have an alcohol content of around 13.5%, and most beers are 4.2% alcohol. So, essentially: these wines are the ultimate party-makers.

Try some of these recommended wines the next time you want to cut the bullsh*t and get down to tipsy business — just don’t blame me for the inevitable hangover the next morning.

1. 2005 Scarecrow Napa Valley Cabernet Sauvignon – 15.4% Alcohol

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Okay, I will warn you that this wine, while delightfully boozy, is also prohibitively expensive. It retails at over $400 a bottle (I KNOW, IN THIS ECONOMY??), but would probably be an excellent choice for truly special occasions where getting drunk quickly is key — such as bachelorette parties, ya dig?

2. 2007 Vaona Odino Pegrandi Riserva – 16% Alcohol

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This hefty wine is certainly not for the faint of heart, but if you’re looking for a well-balanced wine that will still knock you on your ass in record time — look no further.

3. 2007 Aubert Lauren Vineyard Sonoma Coast Chardonnay – 15.8% Alcohol

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Contrary to popular opinion, white wines are NOT just for middle-aged divorcees. In fact, given the right alcohol content, white wines can party just as hard as the reds — and this chardonnay is one of those rare white wines. Bow down, bitches.

4. 2013 Domaine du Banneret – 14.5% Alchohol

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13 different kinds of grapes are permitted in this particular wine appellation — which is pretty impressive, if you care about that sort of thing. If your main concern is getting drunk, though, this wine will also accomplish that feat handily.

5. 2007 Eric Kent Stiling Vineyard Pinot Noir Russian River – 14.7% Alcohol

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If you’re a fan of earthy and refined pinot noirs, this wine may just be your new BFF. You may have to look around a bit to find it, though — only a few hundred cases of this wine are produced annually.

6.2008 Vall Llach Idus Priorat – 15% Alcohol

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This wine is a mixture of Carinena, Merlot, and Cabernet Sauvignon — which I’m pretty sure means that it’s three times as delicious as regular wine, right?

7. 2007 Two Hands Angels Share Shiraz McLaren Vale – 15.5% Alcohol

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This wine has been praised for its sweet and spicy complexity, but the real coup is that it’s over 15% alcohol, so you know it’ll make your night WAY more interesting than the average Shiraz.

8. 2011 Quinta do Noval Vintage Port – 19-20% Alcohol (!!!)

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Having a “glass of port,” may sounds classy, but that doesn’t mean that this sweet wine won’t get you good and toasted before the night is finished. In fact, this is the one wine you may actually want to drink responsibly.

9. 2007 Bodegas El Nido Clio Jumilla – 15% Alcohol

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In addition to being incredibly alcoholic, this deeply-flavorful Spanish red is also nearly opaque in color — so maybe think twice about wearing white pants when you get sloppy on this particular wine (or any wine, honestly).

10. Rey Fernando de Castilla Fino En Rama Jerez – 15% Alcohol

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This crisp, dry sherry has notes of salt and citrus, which may be just the ticket if darker, richer wines aren’t really your cup of tea — er, wine.

11. D’Oliveiras Verdelho Madeira 1986 – 20% Alcohol

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This spicy and rich Madeira will definitely make you feel like a boss when you help yourself to a glass. Just know that, even thought it has an archaic name, this particular wine will definitely get your wine-drunk, thanks to its 20% alcohol content.

So, now that you have all of your high alcohol wine choices figured out, you and your friends can have the raucous, Bacchanalian wine party of your dreams.

On second thought — you might not feel like sharing any of these.

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Related-ish: 19 Movies Made Better With Wine

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