It’s no secret that modern dating is, to put it bluntly, a bit of a shit show. You’re either spending your days swiping left and right, trying to meet guys IRL, or signing up for an online dating profile (Match.com, OkCupid.) At times it can feel almost impossible to find the right person, but that doesn’t stop us from getting out there.
Reddit asked its users about dating profiles and if their’s were completely honest what they would say. As you can imagine, the responses were nothing short of hilariously creative and well, very honest.
1. RockyRockington tells it like it is.
Has potential. Needs work.
2. We can’t blame you, BuddhaMindTricks.
I’m just tired of sleeping alone.
3. BenderDeLorean is all of us.
Asshole when hungry.
4. We have to respect TryingToBeMattTaibbi‘s humble brag.
I’m a fantastic dresser, so you’re bound to be disappointed when I take off my clothes.
5. InfamousMike lays it all out there.
Face: below average
Dick: below average
6. DemeaningSarcasm, we are about that life.
I don’t know how to split my time between relationships and hobbies. So uh, I kinda just want someone who chills out at my place on the weekends to watch netflix and wants to go out to eat with me.
7. giverofnofucks stays true to his username.
I’m doing this online dating thing because I’m kinda lonely, a little horny, but mostly ambivalent about dating. So chances are that unless you’re really hot or just generally out of my league, I’ll probably just flirt with you a little online then lose interest.
8. Buckle up, BanDover has some baggage.
You will ask yourself, “Is there anything wrong with this guy?” during the first month, and the answer will be no. On the first day of the fifth week of our relationships, my emotional issues will come flooding out like a Haitian tsunami. Buckle up, lassy.
9. NiceAndSoftNonErect is comfortable with his average sized penis.
Mine would probably say “If you see me naked you’ll be surprised with the averageness of my wiener compared to how big I am. I make an okay amount of money and drive a Ford. I drink way too much beer and eat horribly. I’m the kinda guy you go for when you’re in your late 20s to early 30s and all your girlfriends are already married and you finally decide ‘eh he’s good enough.’ I will probably not live up to good enough though.
10. azor__ahai doesn’t leave anything to the imagination.
I crave love and affection but don’t have the emotional stability to be romantically involved with anyone. I will act cold and detached because I fear coming across as overbearing or clingy and cannot find a middle ground. If you don’t reply to me within a day or two I will definitely think you lost interest in me even though I know I’m being irrational. All of this probably stems from several untreated mental health issues.
Also, I like communist memes on Facebook and am into BDSM.
11. maxthepupp is a total bear.
Big & Hairy…like a Bear.
Very strong and protective . Like a Bear.
Will leave others to their lives unless they infringe on mine. Like Bear.
likes: Picnics. Naps.
12. Skrilllexxx is just a little more open about his feelings.
Always cries after sex.
13. That’s going to be a “no” from us, stranGe1992.
“Hi, my names Dave, and I have a pierced dick”
That is my entire tinder bio. It’s got me a few matches.
14. ottrocity likes to bone, but only on occasion.
I really just want to cuddle a lot and bone on occasion. I like otters. Sometimes, I dress up as a goat and head butt people.
15. re_Claire has a specific set of skills.
Bisexual vegan police officer. Never knowingly on time, neurotic, and chaotic but gives one hell of a blow job.
16. Welp, ssbteddy1 thanks for the honesty.
I spend most of my days doing nothing and might be the most unmotivated piece of shit you’ve met.
17. ricotehemo, you’re probably right.
You’d probably be better off getting a cat.