20 Halloween Costumes That Have No Business Being ‘Sexy’

Halloween is considered by some to be the ideal time to show off as much skin as possible. And why not? If you’ve got it, flaunt it, because pretty soon we’re all going to be old and decrepit anyway.

However, while I always applaud women embracing their sexuality, there are definitely some Halloween costumes that take the “sexy” theme a bit far (like, over a cliff). In addition to the requisite sexy professionals costumes, there are now sexy cartoon characters, political figures, and even inanimate objects.

Here are just a few abominations that purport to be “sexy” in the name of Halloween. Let’s embrace and encourage Halloween cleavage, but find a way to avoid these bizarrely-sexualized costume choices in the future, shall we?

1. A Sexy Catholic Nun

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Because there’s nothing sexier than irony, I guess?

2. A Sexy Hamburger

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Yes, hamburgers can be sexy in the right context — but that doesn’t mean you need to dress like one.

3. A Sexy Minion

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DEAR GOD, MAKE IT STOP.

4. Sexy Spongebob Squarepants

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You leave my beloved childhood cartoons out of this, dammit!

5. Sexy Patrick Starr

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I’m sorry, there’s just no way to make a pointy head look sexy.

6. Sexy Half-Eaten Watermelon

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So … you’re essentially dressing as compost?

7. Sexy Marvin The Martian

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Okay, I almost like this one, to be honest.

8. A Sexy Straitjacket 

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Is this offensive? This feels vaguely offensive.

9. Sexy Donald Trump

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Donald Trump is already under the impression that he’s sexy. Please stop indulging him.

10. A Sexy Jolly Rancher

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Sure. Why not? You’re literally just wearing a strapless dress, but I’m willing to pretend this is a costume.

11. A Sexy Carrot

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Carrots are … vaguely phallic, I guess?

12. Sexy Girl Scout

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Sure, sexualize young Girl Scouts. I don’t see how that could be problematic AT ALL.

13. A Sexy Fortune Cookie

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Racist. This is racist. You are racist.

14. A Sexy American Flag

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I feel like this is specifically prohibited in the Constitution, somehow …

15. Sexy Alexander Hamilton

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Is it less expensive to see this version? *ZING!*

16. A Sexy Sorcerer’s Apprentice

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There are so many travesties on this costume, it’s hard to pick just one to make fun of!

17. A Sexy “Finding Nemo” Clownfish

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It’s a PIXAR MOVIE, you monster.

18. A Sexy Dory Fish

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Okay, this actually looks kind of comfy.

19. A Sexy “F Society” Hacker 

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If you’re a fan of Mr. Robot, I find it HIGHLY unlikely that you’re going to purchase this costume.

20. Sexy Ken Bone

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KEN NEVER WANTED THIS, PLEASE LEAVE HIM ALONE.

Related-ish: 13 Iconic Halloween Costumes For Brunettes

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