Almost everyone dresses up for Halloween — as Geico would say, it’s just what you do. It is the one day a year when lingerie as outerwear is perfectly acceptable and gruesome makeup is actually encouraged. As such, it makes sense that people would take advantage of such fashion freedom and revel in their costumes and festoonery.
However, there is a small, yet stubborn, contingent of individuals who prefer to leave costumes out of their closets altogether, and refuse to take part in the dressing-up aspect of Halloween.
Perhaps they just don’t feel like spending their hard-earned money on a temporary outfit that is unlikely to serve a purpose ever again. Perhaps they simply have no patience for DIY tutorials or costume crafts. Perhaps they would rather not dress up as a pop-culture icon if they can’t do them justice. (If you’ve ever dressed up as a Simpsons character, I’m lookin’ right at you.)
Either way, these folks would prefer to just be themselves for Halloween. Unfortunately, when you don’t wear a costume on Halloween, you’re often badgered with annoying questions and comments, such as:
1. “Do you hate Halloween?”
So, not sure if you were aware, but Halloween was originally thought to be the day that the dead “passed over” into the spirit realm. People began wearing spooky garb to ward off evil or undesirable spirits, as well as honor those they loved who had passed. So, in short: that Harley Quinn costume you’re wearing has nothing to do with the actual spirit of Halloween anyway, so get off your damn high horse. Just because I’m not “dressed up” for Halloween doesn’t mean I have anything against the holiday — how could I, when there’s so much free candy involved?
2. “What are you supposed to be?”
Hi, I’m a lady who’s attending this Halloween party, thank you very much! What are you supposed to be? Some sort of pain in my ass? If so, mission accomplished!
3. “Ugh, you’re so boring!”
Thanks for the valuable input, but I figured that since I’m here for the booze anyway, I might as well not encumber myself with unnecessary costume trimmings. Also, who are you to call me boring when you’re literally the third person I’ve seen dressed as Wonder Woman this evening? People in glass houses …
4. “What, are you not creative or something?”
Maybe! But, perhaps I just prefer to funnel my creativity into areas of my life that are not exclusively Halloween-related. After all, why waste precious “creativity” on a night that’s essentially an excuse for a bunch of adults to run around in their underwear?
5. “LOL, you’re so lazy!”
Um, YES. You hit the nail on the head. I’m hanging out with my friends and drinking, so, no — I did not think it was terribly urgent to spend time fashioning a costume for this event. I would much rather spend my precious free time taking a nap than gluing sequins onto a bustier. And yes, you can carve that on my epitaph.
6. “Did you just not have enough time?”
You know, it’s actually a funny story: I had plenty of time, I just didn’t have enough f*cks to give. Whoops!
7. “Do you want to wear this extra pair of cat ears?”
Nope, but thanks anyway! If I wanted to swing by a CVS and literally grab the first Halloween-related costume item I found, then I would have done so already. But, since I didn’t really feel like wearing a costume, I decided not to do that. As it is, I don’t really think I need to wear a pair of cat ears or a witch’s hat in order to enjoy a drunken party with my friends.
8. “Did you realize you were coming to a Halloween party?”
Yes, believe it or not, I didn’t wander into this party on October 31st thinking it was some sort of belated National Cat Day celebration. (Which, incidentally, is on October 29th, so mark your calendars, weirdos!)
9. “Are you just coming from work?”
I mean, does it really matter? Is my lack of costume so perplexing to you that you must find some sort of excusable reason to justify it? Is the fact that I am in street clothes right now literally driving you to the brink of your reasonable sanity???
Cool, then my job here is done!
10. “Do you KNOW what day it is?”
Yes, I am aware of what day it is. But I do always relish a nice round of condescension, so thank you for asking me such a patronizing question!
Look, guys: some people just don’t dress up for Halloween! We’ll show up to your parties, we’ll happily supply alcohol and snacks, we’ll revel in debauchery and fun — the only caveat is that we’ll actually look like ourselves while we’re doing so. But you know what? There’s a silver lining. We also won’t be dripping fake blood on your floor, wobbling around in treacherous high heels, or suffering any sort of awkward wardrobe malfunctions throughout the course of the evening.
So just be thankful we showed up with a bottle of wine, dammit, and shut your pie hole.