Being a bridesmaid is a pretty thankless task. Regardless of how much you love your friend and want to be there for her on the big day, you always end up spending in inordinate amount of money, stressing on behalf of someone else, and wearing a dress that is, in all likelihood, humiliating.
And those scenarios don’t even cover what might happen if your friend turns into an actual, fire-breathing, Tokyo-stomping Bridezilla.
A bridesmaid named Hayley penned an essay about her own horrific wedding party experience on MamaMia, and it’s honestly pretty bonkers just how much the bride in question expected her servants — I mean, friends — to do, in regards to wedding-planning.
The bride, who is referred to as “Carol,” began pestering her bridal party for help from the very beginning, sending out ridiculously long and annoying email threads.
“At first, I thought Carol was just being a little overzealous when the group emails asking for input on everything from bridesmaid dress colours, hairstyles, makeup looks, bridal dresses, buttonholes for the groomsmen (something I had to Google) and table decorations came flooding through, quickly taking up a large chunk of my day,” Hayley writes.
However, Hayley soon realized that Carol wasn’t just looking for friendly advice or opinions — she was looking for people to actually do the work for her. This became abundantly clear when she sent an email to Hayley, which read:
Hey Hayley, How’s it going? I need some cake-maker suggestions by COB today please, Jase and I really want to get a wriggle on with this and need the contact details, price brackets, flavours and an idea of how prestigious the vendor is – in a table would be great. Excel is probably best please. Thanks!
Because, you know, asking a bridesmaid (who has a day job as a teacher) to make an entire spreadsheet of wedding cake vendors by the end of the day isn’t too psychotic or anything.
“I had to read the email about three times to gauge what she was asking me,” Hayley writes “After the third disbelieving scan, I felt my blood start boiling.”
Understandably, Hayley put off her “assignment” for a few days (because she has a life and whatnot). When she finally sent the spreadsheet to Carol, she received a rather icy response:
Thanks for this, would’ve been really helpful to have it yesterday when specified but I appreciate it.
Um, what the actual f*ck?
Hayley, to her credit, shook off the bitchy passive-aggression. “I put it down to ‘bridal stress’ and got back to my normal life, hoping she wasn’t too mad at me.”
But then The Wedding Email To End All Wedding Emails showed up in Hayley’s inbox: a note from Carol, asking her bridesmaids to chip in and help pay for her $10,500 Marchesa wedding dress.
“The latest bridal update was a long email outlining how she and Jase were hugely over their bridal budget now that she’d splurged on the dress,” Hayley writes. “That it was ‘totally fine if you can’t’ but she would really love if we could ‘pitch in’ around $150 each towards her ‘dream dress.’ That it’d mean so very much to her and would mean that as she walked down the aisle, she’d be wearing something we’d all had a part in.”
Which is essentially very flowery language for, “Please bail me out of my irresponsible decision, thanks ladies!!”
Although the email makes the monetary donation sound optional, it’s clear from Carol’s past emails that this girl isn’t about to let someone get away with no giving her what she wants. Not surprisingly, Hayley says that she’s not sure how much more of this she can take.
“I’m starting to think I might have to bail on this wedding, and friendship.”
Let this serve as a warning to brides-to-be everywhere: don’t act like an assh*le and force your bridesmaids to plan and pay for your wedding. If you pull that nonsense, then you should just let your bridesmaids walk down the damn aisle instead.