Here’s What The Sinners Are Buying On Amazon This Week

It’s that time of the week again, folks. We didn’t think it was possible, but this edition of Sinners Of Amazon might be our most disturbing one yet.

Hard to believe right? I mean what could possibly shock us at this point? Turns out, a lot can and we just want to make sure you’re ready. Don’t forget your incognito mode and also, for the love of god, don’t browse this list at work.

Don’t say we didn’t warn you..

1. Pleasure Vibes Life Like Dildo Vibrator Without Suction Cup

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First up on this week’s list is a disturbingly life-like vibrating dildo (balls not included). According to the product description it has 7 different vibration modes and is “truly the best dildo you’ll find on Amazon today.”

Get it HERE

2. Enjoy Vagina Wristlet Purse

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Okay, we might just need to order these in bulk. They’re not quite as cute as the vagina-shaped change purses we’ve seen, BUT the fact that this lable mimics the Coke logo is just too good to pass up.

Get it HERE

3. Seven Attachment Love Machine

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For the more experienced toy-enthusiast, this seven attachment “Love Machine” is the perfect way to fill all of your various sexual needs in one place. Tbh, it kind of intimidates the hell out of me. I mean it looks like some form of semi-automatic weapon doesn’t it?

Get it HERE

4. Frisky Oral Enhancing Hands-Free Labia Spreader

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According to Amazon, this rather uniquely shaped oral enhancer is used to “spread the labia and expose her innermost areas to your loving attention.” While we’re all about that loving attention, this thing is a little bizarre-looking.

Get it HERE

5. I Heart Penis Bumper Sticker

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This seems like the perfect gift for the majority of the people we work with. Maybe we’ll just go ahead and attach it to their cars without telling them. Wouldn’t that be so nice of us?

Get it HERE

6. BDSM Nylon Handcuffs And Neck Collar

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If BDSM is your thing, these neck and wrist restraints might be just what your bondage collection needs. The product description insists the restraints are comfortable, yet sturdy for you and your partner’s mutual enjoyment.

Get it HERE

7. Size Matters Vaginal Pump Kit

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Okay maybe I’m just naiive when it comes to this particular realm of sex toy knowledge, but when did vagina pumps become a thing? I mean, penis pumps exist for obvious reasons, but is this really necessary? Amazon shoppers seem to be loving it tho, saying it’s “absolutely great, and suction is good, nice results after leaving on for at least 15 to 20 minutes before removal.”

Get it HERE

8. “Fuck This Shit” Novelty Socks

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These socks pretty much sum up our motto for life. People tend to complain about getting socks as a gift, but we can guarantee that these will not disappoint any of your friends.

Get it HERE

9. Bestimulus New Arrival 3Pcs Metal-plated Heart Butt/Anal Plugs

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According to their product description, “these Heart Anal Plugs are nicely sized for a satisfying fullness that doesn’t stretch your limits.” Plus the fact, that if “pretty” butt plugs ever existed, these would be the ones. I mean, hearts really?

Get it HERE

10. Tiny Demon Syntonous Cock Ring

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This is absolutely terrifying. It’s literally a cockring with demon face on it. In what universe would that possibly be arousing. “Say girl, let me put my demon inside you.” No, no, NOPE. Can we not?

Get it HERE

11. MySack Smack a Sack, Stress Relief Sack w/2 Red Stress Balls

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These may or may not have been ordered for my desk. Sorry not sorry to all of my male coworkers because we already have boob stress balls, why not actual balls?

Get it HERE

12. Joyboxx + Playtray (Purple) – Hygienic, Locking, Storage Box System

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For all of you frisky freaks out there who typically hide your favorite toys in a night stand or under your mattress, please for the love of god invest in one of these lock boxes. No more random dildo discoveries or awkward conversations with your cleaning lady, just buy a box.

Get it HERE

13. Realistic Male Masturbator Exotic Sexy Toy

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Last, but certainly not least this mildly horrifying half corpse is used as a male masturbator. It literally only has its feet, hips, and well, you know. We don’t judge, we really don’t, but what in the actual fuck?

Get it HERE

See Also: You Can Now Keep Your Spare Change Inside Of A Handmade Vagina

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