Breaking up is hard to do, but luckily pretty much everyone on earth has been through it. That means there are lots and lots of people out there who can offer you help and support. No two splits are alike. Some are dramatic and catty, while others are mutual, calm, and even tinged with sadness that your love was so damn ill-fated.
Whatever the case, it’s not always easy to figure out your next step. Should you go out and get laid? Stay home and cry? Should you adopt 37 cats and take lifelong vow of spinsterdom? It’s hard to move on, but taking advice from people who’ve been there can make it at least a little bit easier.
Here, 9 people share the best advice they’ve ever gotten for how to get over your heartache.
1. Get the fuck out of dodge.
“I think the best advice I’ve received is get away for a few days. Whether it’s taking a trip to visit my parents or going to see a friend who lives in a different city, a change of scenery definitely seems to help.” – Zara H.
2. Don’t leave their stuff hanging around.
“My best advice is, when you’re trying to clear all their crap out of your place and they won’t freaking come and get it, go through everything and ask yourself, do I want it? If yes, it’s yours. If not, it’s theirs. Put everything that’s theirs into a box, put the box on the porch, and leave them a message telling them to come get it before it gets stolen. If there’s no action in 48 hours, leave another message telling them you will put up a ‘Free Stuff’ sign.” – Rachel B.
3. Don’t start playing the blame game.
“The most helpful breakup advice I’ve gotten is: stop thinking that someone has to be the bad guy. Sometime things just don’t work out, and it doesn’t mean either of you is in the wrong.” – Megan Z.
4. Keep calm, even when it’s hard.
“The best breakup advice anyone ever gave me is don’t be overly emotional. Breakups suck, and you might be tempted to freak out, but you’ll almost always regret it. Treat it like a business transaction, and stay cool and collected. Only cry and deal with your emotions when you’re alone. No one likes drama.” – Amanda P.
5. Distract yourself.
“Occupy your mind. Go out with friends, pick up a new hobby, volunteer somewhere. Literally do anything you can to keep yourself from thinking about ‘the good times’. When you sit and dwell, you’ll only be saddened. But, when you don’t have time to think about what’s passed, you’ll find yourself able to be stronger on your own.” – Dossicles, Reddit
6. No social media stalking!
“Whatever you do, don’t stalk them on social media. You really don’t want to know what they’re up to. It will only make it hurt more. Take space to get over it in your own, and give your ex the same freedom.” – Lauren F.
7. Delete them from your phone.
“Immediately delete their contact info in your phone. You’re going to be all over the place for the next few weeks. The last thing you need is an opportunity to drunk text them or call and leave a message every time your emotions make you angry or nostalgic or whatever. Get rid of that shit.” – Amy R.
8. Don’t start a dumpster fire with all your keepsakes.
“When I broke up with my first serious boyfriend, I burned photos, gifts, mementos. It was like a movie breakup where they just go totally nuts getting rid of everything. The thing is, now that I’m over it, I kind of wish I had some of that stuff so I could look back. What if I want to show it to my kids someday or something? Hide your memory box, but don’t get rid of it, unless they did something truly horrendous that makes you want to forget them forever.” – Vanessa B.
9. Give yourself time to grieve.
“First and foremost, you need to accept the fact that you lost something and you will hurt for some time. However long is up to you, but don’t rush it. Take your time and soon you’ll be on your feet with the self respect and determination to really move on. Everyone needs time to mourn. Depending on who you are, it could take weeks, months, even years. It took me a whole year last time, and while I sometimes look back and think it was a waste, I realize now that it was necessary for my growth as an adult.” – SP12GG, Reddit