Here’s What The Sinners Are Buying On Amazon This Week

First and foremost, please give yourself a pat on the back for surviving this most tumultuous of weeks. We know it hasn’t been an easy one, but we’ve come fully prepared to distract you with one of life’s simple pleasures.

Yes, you guessed it…the Sinners of Amazon list is back and more disturbing than ever. So, while your friends continue to ramble on about the latest controversial news, you can find a nice quiet place to peruse the most deviant items being shopped for this week.

1. Utimi Silicone 7-frequency Vibrator

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First up on this week’s list is a uniquely designed silicone vibrator. According to its product description, “it is a exquisite massager with soft thorns for your breast, vulva and clitoris.” Needless to say, it’s quite multifunctional…

Get it HERE

2. Red Male Genital Candle Kit

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Next up is this rather aggressive looking blood red penis candle which comes with Love Oil, Lust Powders and Amulet with Quartz stones. It is said to empower “spells of the male aspects of fertility, affection, desire, and lust.” So, next time your man isn’t really in the “mood” (when TF does that really happen though?) you can light up this sucker and get going.

Get it HERE

3. Strict Leather Ride Me Mouth Gag With Dildo

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I have to admit that this particular product slightly terrifies me. Yes, I understand it’s function and yes, it makes sense why people would enjoy it, BUT it looks horrifying. Why TF does it look like that? And the product description is not helping to ease my mind whatsoever: “The Ride Me Mouth Gag keeps you stuffed and your partner silent!” NOPE.

Get it HERE

4. Master Series Open Mouth Hood with Padded Blindfold

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Calling all BDSM enthusiasts, the open mouth hood is a hot buy this week. According to one customer, it’s “light enough so she can breath through her nose while her mouth is occupied. Like the added layer stitched in as a mask for complete blindness! Well worth the price & really nice addition to our collection of toys.”

Get it HERE

5. Intimate Rose Kegel Exercise Weights
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While I realize that Kegel exercises serve multiple purposes, this “exercise system” was too funny not to add to our list this week. The multi-colored weight system is said to help you “regain your tightness & confidence in just 15 minutes per day.” Guess we better get to squeezing!

Get it HERE

6. 50 Sips of Red – Funny Wine Glass

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Full disclosure, I’ve ordered these for all of our editors for Christmas. Who doesn’t want 50 (or more) sips of red wine? And yes, we are thinking about Christian Grey while drinking it. Sorry not sorry.

Get it HERE

7. Kitty Carpet: Reusable Downstairs Toupee

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We are seriously at a loss for words on this one, folks. It’s literally a vagina toupee, you know in case you want to dress up your lady parts with a little pink shag carpeting. What a time to be alive.

Get it HERE

8. Plastic Wedding Ring Shot Glass

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These shot rings are pretty genius and probably the best way to propose to someone. “Please take this alcohol so that we may tolerate each other’s company for the rest of forever.”

Get it HERE

9. Peter Heater Knit Wiener Warmer

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Guys, it’s extremely important to keep your manhood nice and warm during the winter months. Nobody loves shrinkage, nobody.

Get it HERE

10. Realistic Pocket Pussy

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There’s always one item every week, one that is the stuff of my nightmares and this is that product. This supposedly “realistic” pocket pussy is absolutely terrifying, but Amazon shoppers are loving it. “Excellent for long stroke with minimal lube, soft and plyable most realistic stroker you will find.”

*Cringes*

Get it HERE

11. Open Mouth BDSM Gag

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Jesus christ almighty, WHY? Just WHY? We’re all for experimenting and finding what you like, but this literally reminds me of something a horse would wear and I just can’t. Sorry, nope.

Get it HERE

12. The TeaBagger Tea Infuser

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Not going to lie, I laughed at this a lot harder than I should have. It’s just too good and we will need about a dozen of them for our office.

Get it HERE

13. Master Series Penis and Testicle Crusher

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We closeout this week’s list with a most disturbing penis and testicle crusher. Yes, crusher. If pain is your thing, guys maybe this is the product for you. According to one satisfied customer, “If you like to feel the pressure, this is the toy for you. It is simple, yet really gets the job done.”

Get it HERE

See Also: 15 Pics That Perfectly Sum Up Awkward Oral Sex

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