Cunnilingus, when done correctly, can be an extremely important and satisfying addition to foreplay. However, many guys out there are essentially following the Seinfeld method of oral sex — i.e., just closing their eyes and “hoping for the best.” Because, let’s be real — only like 20% of guys know what they’re doing down there.
While I understand that the female vagina can seem like mystical, uncharted territory for many male suitors, that does not change the fact many of them harbor far too many preposterous assumptions about oral sex. For example, using your tongue as a little vagina-spear? Not exactly seductive. Going down on a lady for a mere 30 seconds? Probably not going to result in orgasm. Biting without asking first? Hell no.
Here are just a few pics for any lady who’s experienced one of these “work-in-progress” lovers. Chances are, these will look pretty damn familiar:
1. When his tongue game is … limited.
2. When he definitely oversells his skills.
3. When he adorably thinks the problem is you, not him.
4. When you’re just really glad he can’t see your expression right now.
5. Or worse, we he looks up and he gets a great angle of your double-chin.
6. When you’re so freaking bored with it, you feel like making damn chit-chat.
7. When you finally have to throw him a bone and tell him what’s going on down there.
8. When he starts getting anxiety from all the instructions you’re giving.
9. When he thinks you finished and you were nowhere close.
10. When it becomes really evident that you forgot to “groom.”
11. When he decides that poking at it is also a good idea.
12. When you know you’re gonna have to pull the plug on this nonsense, but you don’t want to hurt his feelings …
13. … Especially since calling him out on *ahem* inabilities would be pretty insulting.
14. When you don’t even GET that mediocre oral sex in the first place!
15. When he tries to kiss you once it’s over and you’re like “No, thanks.”
Related-ish: 8 Habits Of Guys Who Are S**tty In Bed