When confronted in public by the presence of truly terrible people, there is really only one acceptable course of action: immediately turning to Twitter to talk sh*t.
Writer Kelly Fine was (sort of) minding her own business while dining at a sushi restaurant, when she overheard a man make a hilariously despicable remark to his date.
Naturally, once such a pompous statement is made, it’s not like you can stop listening to such a horrible interaction — so Fine proceeded to heroically and epically live-tweet the terrible date.
It turns out, the man who refused to look at menus wasn’t kidding. He preferred to ask and guess at what the restaurant might have, much to the “delight” of the servers.
Even the topic of wine wasn’t safe from this guy’s douchebaggery.
He then asked the waitress the most obnoxious question of all …
… For the record, giant clams weigh over 400 pounds and measure roughly four feet wide.
This doesn’t faze the Expert Orderer. He somehow cajoles the waitress into RECITING THE MENU TO HIS FACE.
And in case you were wondering whether or not he was terrible in other, non-foodie ways, the answer is a resounding “OF COURSE HE IS.”
He then starts babbling about his “promotional tour” …
… Which he never explains???
If you thought the misogynist piggery couldn’t get worse, you were dead wrong.
And guys, in case you forgot, the single most important takeaway about this man is that he DOES NOT NEED A FUCKING MENU, THANK YOU. Probably because he can’t read.
It soon became clear to Fine that these two weren’t even on a first date — the woman had somehow managed to survive PREVIOUS INTERACTIONS WITH THIS MAN.
In fact, the two of them may have even been … married??
And yes, in case you were wondering, this guy DOES have a patented life philosophy.
And guess what? HE’S A DJ!
(Nobody in the entire world is surprised.)
Fortunately, it becomes quite clear that the two of them aren’t married.
And not even the arrival of their food could shut this guy up.
And it wasn’t just his date — this guy was a prick to literally everybody.
Tony excused himself from the table for a smoke break by using an obnoxious euphemism (although, let’s be honest, he’s not smoking a cigarette — he’s probably vaping.)
Fine, brave woman that she is, was forced to leave the restaurant before her eavesdropping became conspicuous.
But let this entire terrible date serve as a reminder to women everywhere: if you find yourself in a romantic situation with somebody who sounds like this, please do yourself a favor and leave immediately. I promise you can do better.
And I guarantee that he is lousy in bed.