As the old song goes, breaking up is hard to do. And it’s especially hard with that person you really thought was the one.
People break up for a lot of reasons. Sometimes you simply aren’t right for each other. It’s not a good fit, be it sexually or emotionally. You may want different things or see your lives going in different directions.
But sometimes, you are a fit. Everything in you screams that this is the person you belong with, and you know they feel the same way. Or at least you are pretty sure they feel the same way. It’s amazing. But then, it ends. And you are destroyed.
We reached out to men who told us these stories of times they broke up with the love of their lives and how they were never the same.
1. She wasn’t taking care of herself.
She was great when she was on her meds (I didn’t know before I married her). But when she was off her meds she was violent. She just wouldn’t stay on her meds, so I had to leave.
2. We weren’t right for each other.
I got over the devastating breakup by drinking and sleeping around. Which was good because I got to explore the type of person I like being with, the type of sex I like having, who I am, how I like to present myself, and so on. But it was bad because all that alcohol is kind of unhealthy.
3. I was cheating.
I had to break up with my significant other after secretly seeing his brother for a month before.
4. I was suffering from an eating disorder.
I could see my disease was not only affecting our relationship but affecting him at the time. I couldn’t bear to bring him down on a sinking ship with me, so I broke up with him. I needed to learn to love myself before I could learn to love anyone else.
5. Because of different faiths.
Our friend who was Jewish was forced to break up with a girlfriend because she wasn’t Jewish. He missed her so much that they hatched a plan to get pregnant out of wedlock. She had the baby, converted and they were married. Still are 10 years later!
6. I couldn’t handle the emotions I felt toward her.
I was in a ‘friends with benefits’ relationship with this amazing girl during our time at Rutgers. She was beautiful, smart, outgoing and funny. She was someone I shared all of my thoughts and feelings with. I know she felt the exact same about me. To this day, I think about what could have been with us if I wasn’t so immature.
The truth is, I was afraid of how strong my feelings were for her. I was still young and couldn’t handle the emotions and pure love that I felt for her. I’m ‘happy’ in life now and love my wife and two kids, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t think about how my life would have been different if I followed my heart.
7. She played too many mind games.
Growing up, I knew that it was forbidden to date outside of my Gypsy culture. But then, I met her. Outside of a Payless was a girl with porcelain skin, curly dark brown hair, and full lips. Her arms were crossed as I gained the confidence to talk to her. She didn’t like me. I liked the challenge. In my head, I thought, ‘This girl has no idea what’s about to hit her.’
Over the summer we dated and became close; she became a part of my heart. Our relationship was short but intense. She was 24, and grew up in a strict Jewish home; she told me she was a virgin. That didn’t flow with where we were going. You see, we met at the wrong time. We foundrare connection in the midst of her lust. We had intense romantic encounters but never all the way.
In one brief moment, she told me, ‘I love you. I’m not in love with you but I love you.’ I said nothing. I didn’t know that I was in love too; I couldn’t express it. Maybe I should have. I had my own emotions barricaded after knowing her more. I became confused.
She would play mind games a lot. The manipulation stopped our connection. I told her I couldn’t see her anymore. It hurt. I’m no saint either, but I’m not blind to kismet. The truth is, I didn’t want to get hurt. Sometimes you can’t avoid what you know is coming, but you still continue, pretending it won’t. I never spoke to her again, but the thought of her lingers in my mind like a melody.
Originally published by Aly Walansky at YourTango.
Related-ish: 9 Small Signs It’s Time To GTFO Of Your Relationship