When a man starts cheating, it has nothing to do with his partner.
Nada. Zilch. Zero. Less than zero.
It’s a hard thing to wrap our heads around, because the act of cheating can (and should) feel like such a major betrayal. You love this person, and as such, you made yourself vulnerable only to get hit in the face with their clichéd and hurtful cheater’s antics.
It’s easy to turn his cheating into a failure on your part. Especially when the reasons why men cheat are often so hard to nail down. Maybe you weren’t having sex often enough, or you weren’t paying as much attention to him as you did in the beginning, or you stopped wearing cute pajamas to bed.
Well, I have good news: none of those are acceptable reasons to hurt another person, deliberately or otherwise. But it can be hard to realize that this is true when you’re in the fog of grief and hurt.
That’s where I come in, to help and reassure you. Here are 7 reasons a guy may be cheating that have NOTHING to do with you and your general AWESOMENESS.
1. He’s cheating because he doesn’t know how to have a serious conversation.
When you are unhappy in a relationship, what is the natural solution to this problem? That’s right, having a conversation about your unhappiness with your partner and addressing those issues. Men who cheat sometimes do so because it’s easier to quietly blow up their lives with bad behavior than try to communicate like adults.
If he says he’s cheating because of a problem within the relationship, that isn’t your fault. It’s his own for being too much of a coward to communicate with you.
2. He’s cheating because he’s unhappy at his job.
If he’s been taught his whole life to keep a stiff upper lip about his problems, that could mean that cheating comes easier than admitting work isn’t going well. Terrible? Yes. Something that actually happens? Also yes.
3. He’s cheating because he’s feeling insecure about his looks.
Every woman knows what it’s like to feel not quite right inside your own skin. Men do too, but they are far less likely to talk about feeling fat or worrying about going bald because men are taught that it isn’t acceptable for them to express this concern.
What’s one quick, awful fix for his suffering ego? A little female attention in the form of cheating.
4. He’s cheating because he feels out of control.
It’s hard to believe, but sometimes cheating can be a symptom of an even bigger problem.
Men who are suffering from addiction or depressive episodes can act out through cheating as a way of attracting attention and getting the help they need indirectly. It’s destructive and they know it, but they are hurting.
5. He’s cheating because he has bad friends.
There’s nothing more dangerous than a group of men gathered together.
Just ask Julius Caesar.
If a man is out with his single friends and drinking they are far more likely to engage in cheating and borderline cheating behavior if they are encouraged by their friends. In this scenario, a man will act out and cheat just to prove to his friends that he’s “still a man.”
Dumb? Yes. But a thing that happens? Absolutely.
6. He’s cheating because he likes the thrill of it.
Men, biologically, are hunters.
As much as they might deny it there are men who live for the thrill of the chase.
He’s already chased you down and won you, and he doesn’t want to lose you, but that doesn’t mean he won’t keep his hunting skills in practice. He doesn’t see it as cheating, he sees it as something he has to do. But that doesn’t mean you have to go along with it.
7. He’s cheating because he needs drama to feel wanted.
They are too immature to realize just how special and precious a real committed relationship is, so they undermine it and try to blow it up just so that the two of you can fight and make up.
His immaturity knows no bounds.
Originally published by Rebecca Jane Stokes at YourTango.