If we’re being honest, I think we can all admit to fueling at least one rumor in our lifetimes. Whether it be about a catty girl at school or that unbearably awkward individual that works in your office, you probably took some role in the falsity or just didn’t bother to stop it, am I right?
Reddit asked its community about the most bizarre rumors that they’ve ever heard spread about themselves and the responses will make you deeply concerned for humanity as well as terrified of any assumptions that might be made about yourself…
1. Apparently for brotherjonathan, going to India makes you a monk.
I missed my 5th HS reunion because I was in India for a few weeks visiting my mother. By the 10th HSR, the rumor had spread that I was a Hindu monk living in a grass hut, wearing a loin cloth.
2. iwishiwassober should be more careful with Cheetos.
I had a major operation on my right eye, (detached retina) in 8th grade. I was out for almost 2 months recovering. Someone decided to tell a bunch of fellow students that I got a hot cheeto stuck in the back of my eye. I didn’t even know how to respond to all those Myspace messages.
3. Sofa_King_Cliche, people have too much time on their hands.
I joined my wife’s workplace about 12 months after she joined. When we worked together (same department, same roles), we’d keep mostly away from each other so not to crowd each other. When we’d take breaks, we’d be hanging out together. You know, normal stuff.
Thing is, no one picked up on the fact that we were husband and wife. They knew she was married, and that I was married – but not to each other.
Someone saw us holding hands on the walk back to our car after work, someone else saw us kiss when I dropped her in to work when I had the day off, and rumours started flying around that we were cheating on our significant others.
People took it upon themselves to ‘intervene’ and approached me to tell me she was married and that I should be ashamed of myself. Someone else made a comment to her that she should be more discreet if she was going to continue on her relationship with me.
Truth be told, we both found it pretty fucking funny. Didn’t get a chance to run with it, because we were so taken aback by it when it was brought up to us individually, that we just blurted out the truth on the spot.
4. That’s awkward, i_am_just_a_number.
Guy whose house we were playing cards in told me go upstairs and get a pack of cards from the top drawer of the first room on the left. While I’m up there another guy comes out of the bathroom and gives me a funny look as he passes me rummaging around in the drawer. I go downstairs with pack of cards in hand to see the second guy telling the laughing houseowner he saw “that sleazy bastard looking for your sister’s panties to sniff”.
Situation explained, everyone laughs but I still end up with the nickname “Sniffer” for a few months.
5. Smantie‘s customers were disappointed she survived.
When I was 17 I had a seizure at work, which was a Saturday job in a small town pharmacy. It was nearly the end of the day and there weren’t enough other staff members for the shop to legally be open, so they shooed out the few customers and closed early. The following Saturday it felt like every other customer was telling me about ‘that poor girl who died here last week’, with one little old lady swearing up and down that she’d watched the paramedics wheel out the corpse. She was very disappointed when I told her that I was still very much alive, and that the paramedics didn’t even get called. The pharmacist was like ‘oh yeah, I forgot to mention that people thought you died’ – thanks for the heads up!
6. Well. oncomingstormoftime at least she finally believed you.
About two months into my senior year, a new girl started at school. She started hanging out with our group, but I was out sick the first week she was there. All my friends convinced her that I was mentally retarded. Cue to me coming back to school, and her treating me really weird. I ask my friends what was up, and they confessed what they had done.
Do you know how hard it is to convince someone youre not retarded, when they already think you are. Theres no such thing as proof, and simply saying ‘Im not retarded’ really doesnt have the weight you think it does. It was six months before she finally believed me.
7. MoscaMye, you must’ve been dead.
One day in 10th grade I was late to school because I had a doctors appointment.
When I came in a friendly acquaintance was shocked to see me and a little teary too. Which is an odd reaction.
Someone (another friendly acquaintance who was prone to acts of the dramatic) decided that my being late could only mean that I had died horrifically in a car accident. She was on friendly enough terms with me that some people bought it.
Exciting times. And not the last time she decided someone had died.
8. Classic elementary school rumor, IAMABaguetteAMA.
I went to the nurses office in 4th grade for a sore throat and my best friend convinced my class I swallowed a frog.
9. DisDamage must’ve been the coolest kid in elementary school.
That I do cocaine. It was spread by ‘concerned’ teachers and I was still in elementary school.
10. Well, Cahootie that’s not so bad.
I have absolutely no idea how it started, but once a guy I kinda knew here in university told me that he had heard someone saying there was a rumor I had a massive penis, and that he wanted me to know about the rumor. Considering I was a virgin at the time I have no idea why anyone would say that.
11. AsAGayJewishDemocrat, people are so stupid.
I came out of the closet when I was a sophomore in high school. As you may have guessed, I came out because I was gay.
My fellow high schoolers decided that the real reason I came out was because I was actually the straightest of them all, and wanted to use my “sexual confusion” to trick girls into sleeping with me.
12. Apparently, msbrooklyn‘s peers were not the sharpest.
That I was actually 20 when I was a senior in high school because I was so smart. Their reasoning was, I failed twice so that’s why I knew all the answers. Made no sense to me, they really got confused when I took out my ID and showed them I was actually 16 and skipped two grades. Teenagers are dumb.
13. BaughSoHarUniversity, sounds like that worked out well for you.
When I was 16 in high school, a girl I didn’t really know started a rumor that I had a huge cock.
Apparently she was being teased in the girls’ locker room for not really experimenting with guys, so she lied about experimenting with me because I was a “safe” choice – I was an athlete who hung out with the popular kids but I never really had a steady girlfriend so there was nobody to contradict her story. She then embellished her story to make it sound like she scored a major catch.
It ended up being a blessing and a curse, because although I definitely got laid more than I would have from girls who just wanted to see if the stories were true, my average-size schlong inevitably didn’t live up to the hype.
14. Wow, Ferote would’ve been quite talented.
That I am able to self fellate, I’d do it if I could, but sadly I cannot.
15. RagnarokKid, thank god it wasn’t that.
In 8th grade I needed emergency surgery to remove one of my ovaries. I was out of school for a while and by the time I’d come back, people were offering their condolences that I had my “vagina removed”