The Elf on the Shelf is a Christmas tradition which basically involves lying to children (yet again) and telling them that a stuffed elf (which the parents move around the house) is watching them and reporting back to Santa about whether they’ve been naughty or nice. The trend is fairly harmless if the kids in your family are old enough to know the truth, but if your children are young enough to still believe everything you say, the whole thing can turn into a child’s living nightmare — especially considering the fact that some of the elves turn impish and start pulling devilish pranks on the children.
Lynn Heinrich thought she would participate in this somewhat creepy holiday tradition and prank her young son with the devious elf. However, her son was so nervous that he would get blamed for the elf’s trickery, that what started out as a harmless prank quickly backfired.
Lynn posted about the incident on her Facebook page, complete with photos:
Lynn described how she attempted to create a faux crime scene in the bathroom, making it appear as thought the elf had trashed the place and blamed the whole thing on her kid son, Miles:
Let me apologize now for the language. Last night I did my motherly duty of moving the damn elf. So I was feeling creative and I got shaving cream and sprayed it all over the bathroom mirror and filled one of the two sinks with shaving cream and left a little note that said,” Miles did it” and Angel the elf was holding the pencil and had his arm around the shaving cream.
Unfortunately, Miles woke up and immediately panicked at the thought of being punished for the elf’s tomfoolery — so he frantically decided to “undo” the elf’s dirty work:
Well here is where it all went to shit!
Miles woke up before me and went to the bathroom and apparently got scared shitless that he was going to be in so much trouble that he needed to cover his tracks. Soooo my son, apple of my eye, the monster I was on bed rest for 5 months for, that I went through 21 hours of labor for and took 3 hours to push his huge ass head out, well he decides to frame the elf. So he gets a magic marker, black to be exact and draws squiggly lines all over my bathroom walls. Yes you read that shit right. Then writes a note with the said marker saying, “You are ugly Lynn” and then the mastermind puts the marker on the elf.
Wow. This kid really knows how to get himself out of a jam. If he were ever in an Alfred Hitchcock movie about mistaken identities, he would definitely outwit the bad guys.
The biggest kicker is that Lynn can’t punish her son without revealing that the Elf on the Shelf isn’t even real:
I have to give him credit there, he is smarter than some of the dumb asses on Snapped or I Almost Got Away With It. Kind of scary if I think about that. Anyway so now because of this Mother F%^$%$& elf I have to paint my bathroom again. I mean how can I yell at him without telling him I know he did it b/c I did the shaving cream.
Fortunately, it turns out that the marker was fairly easy to remove. “No painting was required,” Lynn wrote in an update. “Apparently when you use a high gloss paint its so damn shiny and oily that the marker wiped right off with some soap and water!”
A good note to keep in mind, in case your kids fly off the handle and start drawing on the walls in an attempt to frame a demonic elf.
Lynn still has a few choice words for whoever instigated the Elf on a Shelf tradition, though: “You’re an asshole and I hope the elf murders you in your sleep!”
Aptly said, Lynn. Now, perhaps we can all put away this creepy Christmas tradition, which inadvertently teaches kids about Big Brother, and just go back to threatening naughty children with lumps of coal.