It’s a widely held belief that this past year was a bit of a bust. Not only were there devastating celebrity deaths, there were also tragic (and monumentally foolish) incidents all over the world — and there was the utter sh*t-show that was the 2016 Presidential Election.
However, what if there were a way to make this all appear a bit more hopeful? What if, against all odds, there was a way to view the events of the past year in a way that made them seem not only palatable, but perhaps even positive?
Well, friends, I have the solution: we must simply play the entire year in reverse. (If you’ve forgotten since the days of VHS, “Reverse” is where you play something backwards.)
While science hasn’t quite caught up with me here (give it time), the following are my personal predictions about what 2016 would look like in reverse — and, while there are certainly some unfortunate events which occur as a result of this new reversal (Leonardo DiCaprio will certainly lose his Oscar), the number of victories far outweighs the number of losses.
Read on, and imagine yourself in a world where Prince comes backs from the dead and the United Kingdom rejoins the European Union.
(While certain important subjects were omitted from this list, such as Aleppo and Syria, that is purely due to the fact that these events would still be a disaster, both forward and backward.)
2016 In Reverse:
December 27 — Carrie Fisher springs back to life and writes a tell-all about how she f*cked Harrison Ford.
— Kanye exits Trump Tower
, dyes his hair a normal color, then slowly transforms back into his old self.
December 16 — Donald Trump steps down from the presidency once the news of Russian interference in the election breaks, and he slowly loses media coverage until Obama is just president again, somehow.
December 13 – November 8
— Hate crimes
against women, people of color, and members of the LGBT community decrease dramatically.
December – January — It somehow becomes increasingly easy to get tickets to see Hamilton.
October 8 —
Everyone forgets Ken Bone
, which is probably for the best.
August – January — The Zika virus slowly becomes an obscure disease that no one has ever heard of.
— Everyone forgets about Pokémon Go
, and the streets are safe again.
— The United Kingdom decides that it’s had a good run, and decides to rejoin
the European Union.
June 15 — A little boy is saved from the jaws of an alligator at Disney World, and everyone has a magical vacation.
— A majestic gorilla
comes back to life and flings a small child out of his enclosure and back to safety.
— Chewbacca mom
returns her mask to the store and is never heard from ever again.
May 7 — Jon Snow gets angry, lays down on a table and dies.
April 23 — Everyone forgets Beyoncé’s Lemonade. (A tragedy, to be sure, but there are going to be some casualties in this reversed version of 2016.)
February 28 — Leonardo DiCaprio’s Oscar is taken away, and he copes with his loss by playing the victim of a gruesome bear attack.
— Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna have a kid, get engaged, start dating, then mutually forget that they’re dating
. Blac Chyna goes back to being shunned by the Kardashians.
January – Prince, Alan Rickman, and David Bowie all descend from heaven to bless us with their many talents.