14 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard From Someone Talking In Their Sleep

Weird shit happens when we sleep. Things like scary dreams, that feeling like you’re falling, rapid eye movement, teeth grinding, and yes, even sleep walking and/or talking.  In fact, sleep talking, while abnormal, is common behavior, with typically harmless noises ranging from quiet mumbling to loud AF shouts.

If you’ve ever been lucky enough to be entertained by anyone inflicted with this sleep tendency, you might have been witness to someone saying or doing something more foolish than they’d do otherwise. This group of Reddit users shared some snooze chatter stories they’ve observed that will definitely make you LOL … while awake, that is.

1. KingMiguelMCID’s mother must love Star Wars.

My mom told me I once said, “Don’t go to that party R2, they have spaghetti. It’ll mess up your circuits.” Honestly I have no idea.

2. TheLittleVintage heard about butt stuff.

My partner held a full conversation with me about anal sex while he was as(s)leep, including the choice quote: “I don’t want to prolapse your anus. I’ve seen too many of those.”

3. FrankieDarlin learned he is probably the favorite.

My mum, after falling asleep on the couch.

Mum: “We’ll need to find a replacement…” Me: “for what?” Mum: “Your sister”

4. LiveYourDash3 had a “you don’t say” moment.

At a sleepover when we were younger my friend said “the pool is wet”, to which I replied what? She then yelled “THE POOL IS WET!”, rolled over, smacking me in the face in the process, and started snoring. She remembers none of it.

5. Cheshirebrat is documenting a list.

A small collection from my boyfriend:

“Laundry’s here!”
“What, honey?”
“Laundry’s here. Weren’t you listening?”

“When will I ever get this answer out of you?!”

“Don’t touch my gingerbread house again, Mum, I mean it”

A really big exasperated sigh followed by “Pants with buttons. GROSS.”

“Small.” – said while gently patting my face

“Are your balls sweaty too?”
“I don’t have balls, honey.” “I knew it!”

Every damn night. He’s a riot.

6. MHW_DavSka unknowingly celebrated.

When I was 8 I apparently said “Australians all let us rejoice for cats are here”. Don’t know what was going on in my head.

7. EnderPete’s roommate changed his accent.

My freshman year of college one of my roommates started singing in his sleep with an awful, fake British accent. It just came out of nowhere.

8. Bobo_Brown’s mom is funny as hell.

Mother: “The Bishop has a big nose…and my toe is his nose.”

9. Ser_Icehole’s ex has a mind of her own.

Ex-wife once screamed “but the tacos aren’t free mother fucker” Then another time “the cats pepperoni slid off the tree, I repeat, the cats pepperoni has slid off the tree”

10. Rad0909’s is friendly with sharks.

A girlfriend told me one time I was giggling and exclaimed “the sharks are tickling me!”

11. Soltheron’s shoe statement.

“NOT THE FUCKING SHOEBOX”

12. Eggplantosaur’s partner wanted silence.

My SO: Stop making noises, you’ll awaken it!

Me: Awaken what?

My SO: THE BUTTERFLY, DAMN IT!

13. MansionMeteor’s ex was brutally honest.

Out of nowhere, at like 3:30am, my ex yelled at the top of his lungs, “HEY MOM! FUCK YOU!”

I’ve never laughed so hard in my life.

14. Cyrpto7988 talks at a normal volume, according to his mates.

“Laser beams are fucking awesome”

“I will eat your unhappiness.”

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