We’re nearing the last few hours of 2016 and it just doesn’t seem real. Can this nightmare really be coming to an end? I won’t believe it until I see that clock strike 12 and even then it may take some convincing. Until we finally reach the finish line, there’s one way we can pass the time that doesn’t involve dwelling on the negative events from this year.
You guessed it, perusing the Sinners of Amazon list. This week we’ve selected some extra special items for you sexual deviants out there. Don’t worry we don’t judge, we might even be shopping for ourselves.
1. ZEMALIA Rudy Vibrator
First up on our list this week is this bright pink waterproof Rudy Vibrator. This best-selling toy has 10 different vibration patterns for diverse, powerful stimulation. Amazon reviewers gave it a 4.6 stars so maybe this is just what you need to spice up New Year’s Eve.
Get it on Amazon for $20.98
2. Leather Lockable Ball Gag
Dear god, this product is nothing short of terrifying. Don’t get me wrong I understand the whole BDSM ball gag thing, but not with a giant dildo attached to it and a lock! What if you choke and can’t get it off in time? Seriously, a very uncomfortable ER visit waiting to happen. No thank you.
Get it on Amazon for $12.99
3. Men’s Animal Sexy Lingerie
Next up on our list is this hilarious male g-string complete with some kind of a bird face. I can’t stop laughing at this one, and what kind of face is that model making? Are we supposed to be aroused? WTF.
Get it on Amazon for $14.99
4. Lover’s Choice 52 Weeks of Romance
Another fun item for spicing things up in the bedroom all year long is this board game 52 Weeks of Romance. According to the product review, “romantic thrills, unexpected surprises, passionate expressions of love & playful games of seduction are all flavors that you can expect to find inside 52 Weeks of Romance.” Sounds like a fun time to me.
Get it on Amazon for $7.99
5. Silent Nipple Vibrators
These may look like some sort of oyster or sea shell, but they’re actually tiny nipple vibrators. The super soft suckers are complete with individual tentacles for extra stimulation. Not to mention, they’re waterproof and can be used on other areas of the body.
Get it on Amazon for $12.99
6. Utimi SM Spanking Leather Paddle
Next on our list is this leather paddle which is said to be one of the best ones on the market. You know, the paddle market. Satisfied customers gave this bad boy a 4.2 stars saying “The paddle is well constructed and the material has a nice smoothness to it that you can use to slide it around your victims skin before you deliver another blow.” Dayum.
Get it on Amazon for $9.90
7. Fetish Bed Restraint Kit
Yet another BDSM-inspired product on this week’s list is a fetish bed restraint complete with hand cuffs and a collar. Amazon shoppers give this contraption a solid 4.5 stars and it’s said to be for those “who only indulge in light bondage plays, this is not a bad contraption to have for a little step up.”
Get it on Amazon for $10.59
8. Pizza Pasties
We couldn’t pass up a chance to include a nice pair of pizza pasties because that’s what really turns you on right? Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE pizza, probably more than I love most people. However, I think these would do much better as a gag gift than for any sexual use.
Get it on Amazon for $5.95
9. Pipe Dream Body Heat Flavored Edible Warming Oil Massage Lotion
If you’ve been looking for a way to spice up couple massages with your SO, this Chocolate Cherry warming lotion is just what you need. Not only does it feel amazing to the touch, but it’s also edible so you can get nice and creative.
Get it on Amazon for $10.82
10. Unique Purple Crystal Glass Dildo
I know you may be looking at this and thinking it’s some form of glass-blown pipe to smoke out of, but this is not the case. It’s actually a dildo, a pretty one (if there is such a thing.) According to the product description, using this toy will cause you to “find unparalleled stimulation and orgasm.”
Get it on Amazon for $16.99
11. Scented Erotic Letter Bath Salts
Another item on this week’s post that makes me giggle is this dissolvable bath salt that literally says “Fuck Me.” Honestly, who thinks of this shit? WHO? That being said, I still may order it, as a gag gift of course.
Get it on Amazon for $12.33
12. Daron Giant Wine Glass
This product speaks directly to our wine-loving souls. It’s a giant glass that can actually fit an entire bottle of wine inside of it. No need for refills, just keep on sipping. Can we get about a dozen of these please?
Get it on Amazon for $12.79
13. Utimi Male Masturbation Cup
Last, but certainly not least is this best-selling fleshlight that will most likely give me nightmares. No judgements, guys do you, but I just can’t get past how real and creepy these look. Can we just not?
Get it on Amazon for $20.99