If you woke up with a serious case of the Mondays today, it might be time to put things in perspective.
Here are some individuals who had a much rougher weekend than you did, and probably need a pretty stiff drink right about now — so stop your whining and just be thankful, mmkay?
1. Ringling Bros.
After almost 150 years in operation, the renowned circus purveyors are shuttering their doors.
“I have made the difficult business decision that Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® will hold its final performances in May of this year,” CEO Kenneth Feld said in a statement.
While this move is bittersweet for the owners and operators of the company, many animal rights activists believe that the cancellation has been a long time coming. According to Jezebel, “In 2011, Feld Entertainment paid a fine of $270,000 to the Department of Agriculture for violating the Animal Welfare Act, though it never admitted to wrongdoing.”
A saddening move for anyone’s childhood — but a heartening bit of progress in the realm of animal rights.
2. The Trump Inauguration Team
With Trump’s inauguration fast approaching and A-list musicians politely declining to participate, the president-elect’s inaugural team has been scrambling to procure big names to participate in the swearing-in ceremony. However, the Trump team announced the full list of inauguration performers on Friday, and the lineup is underwhelming, to say the least. Performers include 3 Doors Down, Toby Keith, DJ Ravidrums, The Piano Guys, Tim Rushlow, Larry Stewart, Marty Roe, Lee Greenwood, and Jackie Evancho (a 16-year-old runner-up on America’s Got Talent).
Needless to say, no one could really keep a straight face when hearing this news — particularly when Trump had been so braggadocious about the number of “A-list” celebrities who were clamoring to get tickets to the inauguration.
Go home, Presidential Inauguration. You’re drunk.
3. Martin Shkreli
After he was suspended from Twitter for harassing Teen Vogue writer Lauren Duca, pharma-bro Martin Shkreli has somehow continued to have a (deservedly) sh*tty week.
Shkreli accompanied the equally heinous Leslie Jones-harasser Milo Yiannopoulos to a scheduled appearance at UC Davis on Friday night — however, the stop on Yiannopoulos’ tour was canceled due to angry and violent student protesters. The dissenters saved a particularly special surprise for Shkreli, pelting him in the face with what appeared to be dog poop.
Shkreli remarked on the incident, telling ABC 10, “To me, you know, this is very disappointing … (UC Davis) is supposed to be an academically (sic) school. When I speak at Princeton, I don’t expect this reaction.”
And even though it was admittedly kind of satisfying, I think we can all agree that getting hit in the face with a piece of sh*t is a particularly rough way to start the weekend.
4. American Apparel
R.I.P. thong bodysuits. You will (sort of) be missed.
The store that was infamous for their bizarrely expensive normcore clothing has officially been sold in a bankruptcy auction to Canada’s Gildan Activewear for the sum of $88 million. As Gildan will most likely move manufacturing overseas, the brand is effectively over. According to the Los Angeles Times:
As American Apparel stores close, the company’s goods will probably continue to find wholesale buyers — meaning concert T-shirts and corporate-branded swag will still have American Apparel tags.
Gildan also makes clothing sold through other retailers, meaning it’s likely American Apparel branded products could wind up in lower-cost chains such as Target or Kmart.
“American Apparel is headed to the discount bin,” Greif said. “What was once considered to be an upscale brand doesn’t have that cachet anymore.
So, while American Apparel style won’t necessarily be gone forever, it will likely lose a majority of its edge and resonance in the fashion world.
We’ll pour one out for you, American Apparel. You deserved better.
5. Anyone Who Tried This Medium Rare Chicken Recipe
Australian Facebook user Morgan Jane Gibbs made waves this week when she shared a photo of her dinner for the evening: a plate of barely cooked poultry, which she dubbed her “medium-rare chicken strips” recipe.
Gibbs claimed that the recipe was “so good” and couldn’t believe that she had never tried it before. She added the hashtag #cleaneating, implying that the ill-advised dish was part of some sort of healthy diet.
Naturally, the internet freaked out as soon as Gibbs’ post started to gain traction.
If it really needed to be said: do not try this recipe. If you do, you will probably (at the very least) sh*t your pants.