12 Fights You Shouldn’t Be Having In A Healthy Relationship

It’s often easy to know when a relationship is working. However, if the relationship turns a tad rocky, it can be difficult to recognize the telltale signs of trouble.

Here are some toxic disagreements that don’t have a place in a healthy, balanced relationship. If you find you and your partner falling prey to these arguments, take a step back and analyze why. It’s important to attempt to address and fix these issues — however, if a compromise can’t be reached, it may be time to pack your bags.

1. Disagreements over what counts as cheating.

This may seem obvious, but you would be surprised at the number of couples who are on totally different pages when it comes to the rules of fidelity. Where you may think that kissing counts as cheating, your partner may be under the (in my opinion, mistaken) assumption that full-on sex is the only qualifier for infidelity. Perhaps it’s not even about physical boundaries — if they think that flirty texts are fine, but you don’t, you’re definitely in for some highly-explosive relationship drama, and some unhealthy trust issues.

2. Arguments about a lack of respectful communication.

Maybe they’re terrible at texting, and you love long text chats. Perhaps you have a very quiet and passive way of fighting, whereas they get angry and say mean things. It’s important to have similar (or at least compatible) communication styles in relationships, otherwise you wind up in situations where you can never solve a problem because you’re finding it impossible to truly hear the other person.

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3. Debates over different opinions on money management.

Money is a reality that every couple must deal with at some point. However, if you have vastly different opinions over how your respective finances should be managed, you can bet your ass that this issue will continually rear its ugly head. It’s one thing to have slightly different attitudes towards money — it’s another thing entirely for one person to mooch off the other because they’ve burned through their entire paycheck in one week.

4. Clashes over lifestyle differences.

This may sound like an odd way to phrase this issue, but think about it: if one of you is comfortable staying at home on a Saturday night and the other only has fun when they go out drinking, there are bound to be a few issues, particularly if neither one of you is willing to compromise.

5. Bickering about family relationships.

Not every has a great relationship with their family — I understand this. However, if you happen to enjoy spending time with your family, that should be a choice that your partner supports. If they find your parents really annoying, but you have a standing weekly dinner with them, that’s going to create some uncomfortableness. And frankly, you shouldn’t have to compromise when it comes to someone who’s going to be amiable with your relatives.

6. Discord over a lack of effort in the relationship.

A relationship is a matter of give and take, and each person has to pull their weight. If one person is persistently putting in more effort than the other, that’s a telltale sign of future issues. While this imbalance is often inevitable at some point in a long-term relationship, it’s important that you can discuss this issue and come to some sort of compromise. If you can’t, and the lazy party continues to take the relationship for granted, then that’s a huge no-no.

7. Fights about differences in your respective sex drives.

Sex is important. No matter how long you’ve been together, it’s important to be on the same page when it comes to your sex lives. If you’re both fine with not partaking in the physical pleasures more than once a month, then that’s great — but if one of you is unsatisfied, this is going to cause problems. Either you can compromise and come to a situation that accommodates you both, or you can’t. And if you can’t, you probably shouldn’t be together.

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8. Negatively comparing your current significant other to your past partners.

STOP. DON’T DO IT. While it’s understandable that your evil brain feels compelled to compare former lovers to current ones, you’re only asking for trouble when you do this, particularly if it causes you to pick fights. Maybe your current partner doesn’t read as many books as your ex — but criticizing them for this perceived shortcoming will only cause you both heartache and create irreparable rifts in the relationship.

9. Bringing up a long-held grudge out of nowhere.

Resentment is one of the major relationship killers. If you’re still holding on to something, you need to discuss it openly together and make an attempt to fix the issue — and if you can’t fix the issue, it may be time to move on. Otherwise, you’re going to create a grudge that builds up over time and eventually becomes impossible to reconcile.

10. Disputes over what commitment level is required from your relationship.

Basically, this all boils down to not seeing eye to eye on what the relationship actually is. Is it an open relationship? Is it exclusive? Is it on track to marriage? Is it merely casual? All of these relationship statuses are valid, but if the two partners are on different pages, then the relationship is doomed. If one person can’t commit, and the other person needs their partner to be exclusive, then it may be time to reevaluate the relationship.

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11. Not seeing eye to eye on children.

It’s a wildly uncomfortable conversation, but trust me — you don’t want to have this talk too late. If one partner doesn’t want kids and the other one does, it’s not going to do anybody any good to mutually assume that the other person will eventually change their mind. They won’t, and it’s not going to work out in a long-term sense if the two of you can’t agree about this lifestyle choice.

12. Not even having a fight because you’re bottling up your emotions and burying them deep down.

This is one of the worst offenses, because it doesn’t even feel like an offense. However, avoiding conflict and swallowing your emotions is a sign that something’s not right in the relationship, because you aren’t comfortable expressing any discontent. Eventually, that discontent will make you feel utterly disconnected from your partner, and will likely signal the dying breaths of the relationship.

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