No matter how ridiculous the world may become, you can rest easy knowing that you have Sinners of Amazon to turn to for an escape. Not to say that some of the products in this post won’t be outrageous (because they most certainly will be), but they’re all intended for the ultimate pleasure experience. With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, what better time to shop for a new toy for that special someone? Even if that someone is you. Treat yo’ self.
1. This C-Type electric anal plug/prostate massager
First on our list is this uniquely-shaped anal plug and massager. It reminds me of a hook hand on a pirate, but apparently shoppers are loving the way it feels. One reviewer said, “The best thing about this toy is that it isn’t too rigid, it lends some flexibility to shape and mold to the body comfortably. Which is definitely needed given it’s curved shape. The curve definitely helps to make it hit all the right spots and the gentle vibrations kick it up a notch.”
Get it on Amazon for $10.99
2. This double finger vibrating g-spot glove
This next product is uncomfortably reminiscent of a caterpillar, imho. So much so, that I don’t think I could ever use it, but the product description does make a fairly compelling argument. “The uniquely shaped, ribbed, vibrating sleeve is ideally shaped to provide maximum pleasure while hitting all her hot spots.”
Get it on Amazon for $14.73
3. This leather collar and chain leash set
If you’re a fan of anything BDSM related or are perhaps looking to try it out after watching 50 Shades, this might be just the product you need. One reviewer wrote, “I am very happy with this product and I am really glad that I was able to try this collar out. I do recommend it to anyone who wants to try something new in the bedroom. You won’t be disappointed.”
Get it on Amazon for $21.99
4. These naughty salt and pepper shaker pigs
These pigs going at it are the most adorably disturbing things I’ve ever seen. I almost want to buy them just to watch my grandmother try and figure out how they go together. Awkward…
Get it on Amazon for $10.99
5. This 3-piece heart shaped anal plug kit
These heart-shaped anal plugs are a hot buy this week on Amazon, probably due to Valentine’s Day coming up. However, many reviewers are raving about the sensations these things can emanate. “These are great to leave in for long term as well as immediately fun foreplay. These are a new staple in our sex life!”
Get it on Amazon for $23.99
6. This glow in the dark 12-sided sex position dice
Surely most of you have seen your fair share of sex dice, but this one has 12 separate sides with 12 varying pleasurable positions. The fun can keep on going and going and going…until you’re both worn out. Sounds like the ideal gift if you ask me.
Get it on Amazon for $7.99
7. This condom-filled “rubber tree”
I’m not even sure what to say about this item, there aren’t words. A literal rubber tree…Probably makes for a great gag gift though!
Get it on Amazon for $5.69
8. This strict leather face harness
Bondage enthusiasts, this mask is a must-have product according to Amazon shoppers. While I personally find it a bit on the terrifying side, many reviewers are calling it a bedroom necessity. “This is a lot of fun. It is well made and awesome looking. The muzzle (like most new leather) is a bit stiff and needs a bit of conditioner but dont get it too soft. The really cool thing about this is that she can stuff panties in there before putting it on me and I can still breath easily!!! Highly recommend if you are into this kinda thing.”
Get it on Amazon for $55.86
9. This 6-speed multi-frequency vibrator
If you’re looking to treat yo’ self this Valentine’s Day, but are on a budget the Loveryoyo purple vibrator is the way to go. According to the product description, “It features 6 vibration modes and triple stimulations with powerful dual motors to stimulates your G-spot and clitoris simultaneously.”
Get it on Amazon for $9.99
10. This heart-shaped pasties just in time for Valentine’s Day
Continuing on our Valentine’s theme, we found these heart-shaped pasties to be a popular buy. Maybe a fun surprise for your S.O. if you’re feeling frisky.
Get it on Amazon for $6.99
11. This educational book A is for Anus: The Alphabet
What a time to be alive. Honestly, I didn’t know this even existed, but I need to read it. What does each letter stand for!? Guess we’ll have to order it and find out.
Get it on Amazon for $9.99
12. This Doc Johnson original pocket rocket
You can’t go wrong with an original, right? “The Original Pocket Rocket is ready to blast you off! Small enough to fit into your purse or pocket, yet powerful enough to massage those tight spots, it’s designed to stimulate.” *Drags into shopping cart*
Get it on Amazon for $17.08
13. This male masturbator complete with creepy tongue
Last, but certainly not least is this slightly terrifying male masturbator that comes with a realistic tongue sticking out of it. Nightmares are eminent. Apparently customers are pretty satisfied with the product though. “You will not be disappointed! The cut for the mouth is slightly crooked but it works perfectly. It feels almost exactly like the real thing! The suction is superb, and the lips slide across the head of your penis and up and down your shaft in a most exciting way.”
Get it on Amazon for $20.99