If you woke up with a serious case of the Mondays today, it might be time to put things in perspective.
Here are some individuals who had a much rougher weekend than you did, and probably need a pretty stiff drink right about now — so stop your whining and just be thankful, mmkay?
1. Sean Spicer
Everyone’s favorite White House punching bag — I mean, press secretary — has had a bit of a rocky weekend.
First, there was the tentative news that the White House had interviewed Carl Higbie for the position of Press Secretary. As the Washingtonian reported:
Higbie interviewed for the position on Thursday, according to the sources. Higbie declined to confirm this. On Twitter Friday night after this story was originally published, Higbie said he has had no formal interviews … It’s unclear what this means for the future of Sean Spicer’s post as press secretary, or whether he will take on the role of communications director. The post has been vacant since Jason Miller, dogged by allegations of an affair with a fellow aide, stepped down before Trump’s inauguration.
So, potentially, Sean Spicer may be getting a promotion — or, he may very well be getting replaced. Either way, a White House press shakeup is looking inevitable.
When Spicer tried to make a snide tweet about the Washingtonian article, he was handily burned by Us Weekly, adding insult to injury.
Then, of course, there was the second Saturday Night Live bit featuring Melissa McCarthy as Spicer — which, although slightly less potent than the first iteration, successfully poked fun at the Press Secretary’s tumultuous past couple of weeks.
Sorry, Sean. You’ve made yourself kind of an easy target.
2. James Hetfield
The Metallica lead singer was the victim of some serious technical snafus at the Grammys this weekend — specifically, his mic malfunctioned, and his voice could not be heard.
This unfortunate glitch occurred during the band’s performance with Lady Gaga. Eventually, Hetfield leaned in to share Gaga’s microphone, and essentially make lemonade out of lemons (sorry, too soon for a Beyoncé reference).
After the performance, Hetfield was in such a rage that he reportedly kicked over his microphone stand and threw his guitar offstage, followed by his pick.
However, I’m sure the sound guy who fucked this up was fired shortly thereafter and likely had an even worse night than Hetfield.
3. Stephen Miller
Trump advisor Stephen Miller made his news circuit debut on Sunday morning when he appeared on ABC News and perpetuated the new favorite White House falsehood: that thousands (or even millions, depending on who you ask) of people in this country voted illegally.
Miller failed to provide evidence to substantiate his claims.
However, Twitter had a field day raking Miller over the coals — so much so that the policy advisor might be deterred from making any future appearances in televised interviews.
Invoking the wrath of Twitter is always going to leave behind some savage burns. R.I.P. Stephen Miller’s self-esteem.
(Just kidding, his self-esteem is probably extremely robust.)
4. Betsy DeVos
Everyone has been joking/worrying/crying over Betsy DeVos’ confirmation as the Secretary of Education. However, a tweet sent out this weekend by the Department of Education caused so many face-palms, it’s a wonder that a collective *slap* sound wasn’t heard ’round the world.
The official Twitter account for the Department of Education tweeted a photo of W.E.B. Du Bois, along with one of his quotes about education. The irony? They misspelled his freakin’ name.
To make matters worse, the DOE then tweeted an apology (which was later deleted) that rad, “Post updated – our deepest apologizes for the earlier typo.”
I hope everyone enjoyed public education while they had it, because I’m pretty sure the new curriculum is looking like recess all day, every day.
5. Cee Lo Green
Oh, Cee Lo. You needed attention so badly.
Cee Lo Green arrived at the Grammys on Sunday dressed as his new, golden persona, whose name is “Gnarly Davidson.” The metallic robot-esque outfit utterly perplexed everyone (though it did inspire some truly dank memes).
Sadly, despite going to great lengths to dress up for the ball, the whole thing seemed utterly absurd, considering Cee Lo wasn’t even nominated for anything this year.
To top it all off, Cee Lo went home early — before the awards even started.
Nobody really knows what it means, but it seems like Cee Lo desperately needs our attention. If these aren’t the trappings of an emotional and existential crisis, then I don’t know what is.